Kiwi Fruit Commits Treason By Supporting The Wallabies

04/09/2015 12:38 PM AEST | Updated 15/07/2016 12:51 PM AEST
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Huffington Post/Josh Butler

Rugby is almost a religion in New Zealand. All Blacks captain Richie McCaw has been offered an actual knighthood and is being groomed as a possible future Prime Minister. The oval ball game is a terribly serious business in the Land of the Long White Cloud.

That's what makes this fruit-related treason almost blasphemous. Turn away if you're a proud All Blacks fan -- or laugh, if you're an opponent -- because packets of New Zealand kiwi fruit are being branded with promotions for the Wallabies.

kiwi fruit

This package, purchased by your intrepid reporter in a Coles supermarket in Sydney, brings the insult front and centre. Plastering "WIN WITH THE WALLABIES," and the iconic wallaby logo, all over New Zealand's most famous export is tantamount to sedition and scandal.

The proud kiwi, the most stately and regal of all the hairy brown fruits, has become a cheerleader for New Zealand's mortal enemies. Named for the endangered, flightless and definitely not useless bird of the same name, the kiwi fruit has been corrupted and co-opted by Australia like so many NZ icons before it -- Russell Crowe, Crowded House, Phar Lap, lamingtons and pavlova.

You may be thinking "sure, but are these kiwi fruits actually New Zealand kiwi fruits? They are grown everywhere." Well, not so fast!

kiwi

Proof, in writing. New Zealand-grown kiwi fruit are betraying their own homeland.

Neither the New Zealand government nor the All Blacks have responded to this scandal.

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