You can't quite put your finger on it, but your behaviour has changed, your whole outlook is different. Beavis and Butt-head are no longer permanently camped out in your brain. The reason? You've finally entered real adulthood. Here's eight clues that it's happened:
Wine comes in glass bottles, not cardboard boxes
Goon has its place. But that place is dark and on a bench in the local reserve, and not one a grown-up wants to revisit anymore. No, your sophisticated self realises that wine should taste of delicious things like citrus and chocolate, not hot-chip vinegar. Besides, deep down, you know the only people who should be squeezing liquid from bladders are Tasmanian dairy farmers.
You hit the sack before 10pm without having a crisis
Modern Family isn't even finished and already you're wrestling with your eyelids. That's the brilliant thing about coming of age. You can go to bed on your own terms, knowing you're not boring or diseased or have suddenly turned into Phil Dunphy. You're learning that sleep does amazing things for your health, too.
House parties aren't ended by the cops
At some point, you just naturally forgot to promote get-togethers on Facebook. And neighbours who in the past would be dialling triple zero because there's a man in a gorilla suit in their garden, dry-humping a tree? Well, they're now sitting at your dining room table, politely asking when chef will be "plating-up" the chicken cacciatore.
Your Bali holiday party is down to single digits
Weird, isn't it? Just yesterday, it seems, you collected friends like trophies. The modern, older you is generally a more selective cat, now preferring to holiday with a tight inner circle of close mates rather than all the under-20s in your suburb. Naked foam parties are also losing their appeal.
Leftover pizza is no longer a breakfast option
It was the best excuse to order family-sized Hawaiians. These days, however, goodies your Kamikaze student version once mocked as pet food – seeds, nuts, berries – have crept into your breakfast bowl... and every other meal. Funny how you're now wondering about your health condition come 40, right? Still, fingers crossed for Domino's muesli pizza.
You don't get 'bankrupt panic' when using EFTPOS
Those games of Russian roulette at the cash register are over. You know, without even looking, there'll be dollars in your bank account. That's because, without realising, you've had a personal financial makeover, and your parents' whines about budgeting and sticking a bit extra into your super every month, mysteriously stuck.
You've had a relationship bust-up in IKEA
You thought serious relationships meant sex-on-tap; turns out they meant shopping for cushions. Nowhere is this brought blindingly into focus than the aisles of a certain Swedish furniture retailer, where couples whither the second they see a Billy bookcase. But remember, it's the price you pay for your newfound appreciation of interiors and design.
You do laundry BEFORE running out of undies
Best of all, you didn't need to turn your under-crackers inside out. Not once. Now that's proper grown-up living.
Brought to you by ahm health insurance. Grown-ups need uncomplicated health insurance too.Suggest a correction