Shane Warne knows. Just ask Shane Warne. On 'I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here' on Monday night, Shane Warne is set to reveal how the pyramids of ancient Egypt were constructed.
Based on years of exhaustive pondering while playing poker and sneaking ciggies out the back of the Advanced Hair studio, Warne has formulated a theory that aliens built one of the ancient world's great archaeological wonders.
Yep, aliens built the pyramids. We repeat: aliens built the pyramids. Because aliens built the pyramids. Because Shane Warne says so.
One man who believes otherwise is Dr Chris Davey. He's the Director of the Australian Institute of Archaeologists, and he's pretty much still got desert sand under his fingernails from his latest trip to the pyramids a month ago.
Exclusively for The Huffington Post Australia readers, Dr Davey explained exactly how the pyramids were built around 2560 BC.
"The Egyptians definitely did it. There are no questions," he said.
We'll flesh his arguments out in a moment. But first, let's hear what Warney had to say as he lazed around on the set of his reality TV show.
"Look at those pyramids, Bonnie. You couldn't do 'em. You couldn't pull a bit of rope... those huge big bits of brick and make it perfectly symmetrical. Couldn't do it."
Warne was speaking to fellow I'm a Celebrity contestant Bonnie Lythgoe, whose CV lists her as a dancer, choreographer, director, television presenter and producer.
"So who did it?" Warney asked Bonnie. "Who did it?" It seemed to be a rhetorical question but Bonnie answered it anyway.
"It has to be from another world," Bonnie said.
"Has to be," Warney concurred. "Has to be."
Then again, it might have been, oh you know, the ancient Egyptians. Over to you, Dr Chris Davey of the Australian Institute of Archaeologists:
"The person who has done the most work on this is an American called Mark Lehner. He is of the view that they built a spiral ramp around the pyramid so they could slide the stones up ramps," Dr Davey explained.
But Dr Davey, how did they get the stones up the ramps?
"They would have done that with rollers," explained Dr Davey.
But Egypt is in a desert. Where would they have sourced the trees to make rollers?
"Palm trees which grow along the Nile."
What about the stone blocks, Dr Davey? Where were they quarried?
"Some of the stone was quarried from next to the pyramids themselves, while some would have come from the other side of the Nile valley and been floated across on barges."
How would they have cut the stones?
"They would have had copper or bronze chisels. I’m one of the people who’ve argued that due to the advances in metallurgy at the time, the volume they could produce in the third dynasty meant they were constantly able to sharpen their chisels."
OK, fine. But was the maths of ancient Egyptians really sophisticated enough to build pyramids? You sure they didn't require a little alien intervention?
"They could measure very accurately. I’ve dug around the pyramids and you can see the marks on the ground where they measured where the stones were to be placed."
What about the labour force? Where did all the people come from? Was it, perhaps, an alien labour force?
"They had huge amounts of labour, especially during the annual inundation [which no longer occurs because of the huge Aswan Dam upstream]. During the inundation, the valley was uninhabitable for four months. It was full of crocs and mosquitoes and it would have been a horrible time. People would have gone to the edge of the valley to work."
On projects like the pyramids?
No aliens required, then.
Well, there you have it. Shane Warne has sent down sent down some unplayable googlies in his time. But you'd have to say he just got smacked out of the park.
In further confronting news for Warney and his fellow contestants, the show purports to be set in the "jungle", but is actually set in dry country several thousand kilometres from the nearest jungle.
Maybe the aliens removed all the jungle.Suggest a correction