5 Reasons Why Men Don't Want To be Intimate

25/03/2016 3:10 PM AEDT | Updated 15/07/2016 12:51 PM AEST
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Man texting SMS on mobile phone in bed

When you think of the stereotypical sexual scenario in a long term relationship it's most likely the male who's asking for it while the women 'has a headache'. Though IRL that's not always the case.

"It’s a bit of a myth that men are always up for it," Matty Silver, Sexual Health Therapist, told The Huffington Post Australia.

Reasons why guys go off sex vary wildly and are very personal, though Silver suggests considering the following causes.

You're trying for a baby

"When I see couples where the woman complains her partner is not that interested in sex any more, I always check if they are planning to have a baby," Silver said. "There is nothing that reduces a man’s libido more than needing to have sex on certain times of the month, for the partner to fall pregnant."

Your sex life lacks passion

Lack of passion is often misidentified as lost libido.

"Men (and women) often think they have lost their sexual desire and libido for their partner, but it often turns out that the sex they are having lacks passion. It’s easy to lose interest in sex when it has become predictable and boring. Unsatisfying sex is quite common in long-term relationships, and falling into a sexual rut can easily happen, especially when we take our partners for granted. Sex should be fun," Silver said.

It's medical

Sometimes it's in your head, though not always.

"Occasional sexual dysfunction, such as loss of erection can sometimes happens to men who have never had a previous problem. Even in a stable relationship, a single event can be a frightening experience and anticipating the possibility it may happen again can become a self-fulfilling fear and they start avoiding sex. Which may look like not being interested in sex but really is some sort of ‘performance anxiety’, Silver said.

Stress

"Health problems such as being stressed, worrying about work and feeling physically exhausted can be a real mood killer for many men. Suffering from depression or having low testosterone levels are other indicators," Silver said.

Assess your lifestyle from all aspects and try and pinpoint if anything could be affecting your sex life.

Intimacy is gone

Being emotionally in tune with your partner translates to the bedroom, and not just for women.

"Some men feel they are not appreciated anymore and that there is no real intimacy left. For example, they may feel that the children are more important. Resentment can build up and that can cause a couple to drift apart. It's easy to understand why men can become disappointed, angry or frustrated -- and if you are not happy with your partner would you want to have sex with them?," Silver said.

The first step to getting your sex life back on track is having the courage to discuss it with your significant other.

"Most people find it extremely difficult to talk about sex; it can be a sensitive and awkward topic that raises feelings of embarrassment, shame or inadequacy. We are led to believe that sex is something that comes naturally and we should be instinctively good at it, which just isn't true," Silver said.

"In reality the key to becoming a good lover is to have good communication with your partner. Sexual communication involves a degree of risk by talking about sex with our intimate partners. We can become vulnerable to judgment, criticism or sometimes rejection. But revealing your sexual wants and desires to your partner is very important as your partner is not a mind reader."

Beyond talking, educate yourself more. Silver suggests looking into books, magazines and videos which might help you get to know your way around the female/male sexual anatomy, sexual positions, and techniques.

"Avoid looking at porn which gives us a very unrealistic vision of what sex is about," Silver said.

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