The success rate of Married At First Sight Season 2 is 50 percent, as the finale reveals Simone and Xavier go the way of splitsville couple Clare and Jono while Erin and Bryce boarded the love train with Christie and Mark.
When you consider the intangible X factors and pheromonal variants that sum up marital bliss, 50 percent 'aint bad.
If 50 percent of Erin's cooking attempts were successful, she'd be pretty chuffed (this is the 26 year old who said she'd never been supermarket shopping before) and if 50 percent of Xavier's on-camera shots were shirtless, I'm sure we'd all be thrilled.
Well, maybe not Simone, who discovered that Xav's idea of romance was a trip to the soccer and takeaway pizzas by candlelight.
If you remove the candle and insert a stubbie of XXXX, you've got yourself the ultimate bloke's night in. Maybe Simone should have just drawn on a mustache with her make-up artistry skills and started calling herself Sozza.
Maybe she and he could have lived in a romance-free zone where dates take place in stadiums and if things went really well, maybe they could give each other a good solid pat on the back to celebrate a try. Or a scrum. Or whatever they do in this type of sport.
But no. Instagram quotes everywhere say you should never change yourself for love. Simone is not Sozza, and her break-up speech is epic in its self-respecting Girlosophy-quoting brilliance.
It's the break-up speech we all wish we said:
I’ve given my 100 percent from the start and I made you a priority not because I felt like I had to, but because I wanted to make you a priority.
And with every thought and decision, I had you front of mind for everything that I did.
I want someone who loves to spend time with me. I want somebody who’s excited when I walk in that door and I want somebody who genuinely wants to hold me not because they felt they have to but because they genuinely just want to hold me.
So today I’m so clear in my decision that I am going to walk away from this relationship.
Because I feel that you cannot give me any of those things. You’re not ready to give me any of those things. So thank you for the last month but that's it.
If the heartbreaks and hook-ups of Married At First Sight have inspired you to move in with your significant other, here's a tip from Xav: make an effort.
And what have we learned from Christie an Mark? Don't judge a book by its cover, obviously.
When Christie first saw Mark, she felt sick. His presence literally made her seasick, or maybe that was the boat they were swaying on, but one way or the other, she was not impressed.
And now look at them! Long distance lovers making it work across state lines. It's like a sneek peek of Farmer Wants A Wife but this season, the girls aren't into farms, and the guys are not prepared for the city at all. So, real life. It's like real life.
As for Erin and Bryce, what have they taught us about living together? That ultimatums do not make a happy relationship.
So Erin's keen on mastering a packet cake before she becomes a mother, but Bryce is ready sooner -- so what? As he says, it will come when they're ready and in the meantime, he gets to chase her around with moths and generally have a kick-ass roommate.
Because, after all, that's love -- it's the stress rash that appears on your chest because you care so much. It's cracking the frowns because the guy you love is a seven-hour trip away. It's putting a nappy on your shelter dog because it needs it.
Love is mundane and imperfect and a helluva lot of fun. So yeah, this season shows love prevails.
At least half the time.Suggest a correction