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Royal Ascot Hats, Ranked From Practical To Practically Unwearable

If someone has to get horizontal to kiss your cheek, your hat is too much.

15/06/2016 4:02 AM AEST | Updated 15/06/2016 4:02 AM AEST
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The Royal Ascot, a five-day social horse racing event, kicked off in  England Tuesday. And with the kickoff came the usual bevy of things-that-resemble-hats-but-are-not-quite-hats.

Depending on the size and shape of said hats, racegoers are forced to find inventive ways to stand up straight, pose for cameras and even kiss each other hello. Ahem, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall:

Chris Jackson via Getty Images

Some hats, like the one chosen by Queen Elizabeth II, are simple, lovely and practical. Others, like one below with a parrot and butterfly floating on the top, are, well, not as much.

Take a look at some of the most intricate, beautiful hats of the first day of Royal Ascot below -- from absolutely sensical to complete and utter gorgeous nonsense. 

  • 16 Queen Elizabeth II: Plenty of Sense
    Julian Herbert via Getty Images
    Queen Elizabeth II wears a perfectly sensible hat that fits directly on her head and matches her outfit. A+, Queen Elizabeth II.  
  • 15 Prince Harry: Silly Yet Sensible
    Chris Jackson via Getty Images
    We admit Prince Harry looks a bit silly
    in this top hat. Still, it's uncanny resemblance to a hat makes it acceptable. A.
  • 14 Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall: Pretty *and* Hat-like
    Chris Jackson via Getty Images
    Camilla's hat, with its large pink flower and helpful brim (to block out sun, rain and haters, presumably), is just lovely. A+.
  • 13 Racegoer: So on Theme
    Alan Crowhurst via Getty Images
    This attendee took the theme to heart with her helmet hat. A for effort, B- for sensibility. 
  • 12 Gok Wan and Lizzie Cundy: Half and Half
    Kirstin Sinclair via Getty Images
    Wan's top hat offsets Cundy's loud hat, so they get extra points. B.
  • 11 Nazer Bullen and Kara Goodley: Slightly Sensible
    Kirstin Sinclair via Getty Images
    Bullen, left, and Goodley err on the side of WTF-are-those-ness, but at least their choices are in the shape of a hat. B.
  • 10 Deborah Brett: Partial Hat
    Kirstin Sinclair via Getty Images
    It's possible that Brett stole the flower off of Camilla's hat, which on its own is not a hat at all. C+.
  • 9 Anouska Lancaster: P is For Parrot (And Probably Not a Hat)
    Kirstin Sinclair via Getty Images
    Lancaster's hat is more of a gorgeous botanical scene than a hat. C.
  • 8 Elizabeth Hurley: Hmmmmm
    Kirstin Sinclair via Getty Images
    Hurley's hat is just plain confusing. C.
  • 7 Princess Beatrice: More Like a Shield
    Chris Jackson via Getty Images
    Princess Beatrice's hat verges on full hat, but mostly looks like a forehead shield. C-.
  • 6 Aly Vance: We've Entered Non-Hat Territory
    Kirstin Sinclair via Getty Images
    We're not even quite sure how Vance's fascinator is staying on her head. D+
  • 5 Isabell Kristensen: OMG WHAT?
    Alan Crowhurst via Getty Images
    What? D.
  • 4 Lisa Tan: Cool, Just Not a Hat
    Kirstin Sinclair via Getty Images
    Tan could pass for a resident of District One, but her hat cannot pass for a hat. F.
  • 3 Carly Baker: Delicious But no Cigar
    Chris Jackson via Getty Images
    Baker's hat is not a hat at all. It is a cake. A delicious looking cake, but not a hat. F.
  • 2 Racegoer: A for Effort, F for Hat
    Chris Jackson via Getty Images
    A woman in a "Brexit vote"-themed hat gets major points for creativity and none for likeness to an actual hat. F.
  • 1 Racegoer: No Caption Necessary
    Alan Crowhurst via Getty Images
    F. (For fabulous).
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