Brit John Oliver may live in the U.S. but he's celebrating July 4th by reminding the nation what they gave up when they gained independence from Britain in 1776.
"I'd like to take a quick moment to remind you what you're missing out on," Oliver said on Last Week Tonight.
"First there is the matter of your accents," he said with perfect British enunciation, telling all Americans "you speak like you just burnt your tongue on a hot apple pie".
"You're also missing out on bowler hats which are perfect for dressing your head like a circumsized velvet penis.
"And that is not even mentioning the cuisine that you lost, for example, meat pies are a lot like British people themselves -- a hard outer layer gives the impress of composure but under the surface, it's just a hot f------ mess."
He goes on to compare U.S. sky's-the-limit optimism with British pessimism, fuelled by the melancholy knowledge that no citizen will ever be as great as the Queen: "an elderly woman who frowns for a living".
"Honestly you are probably way better off the way that things are."Suggest a correction