Now we like to think of ourselves as sexually adventurous - sometimes we even consider intercourse with the lights on - but it is a truth universally overlooked that outside sex just isn’t that great.
Yes dogging sounds like something we should all be on board with, but give us a duvet, a shower, and a post-coital cup of tea any day of the week.
Here are 16 reasons why outside sex is totally overrated.
1. The lack of Netflix to initiate the chill.
2. The fact we live in Britain not Miami.
3. The chance that your angry neighbours might see you without underwear.
4. The time restraints on the whole affair.
5. The CCTV recording every thrust.
6. The incompatibility of mud and crevices.
7. The absence of back support.
8. The hayfever symptoms rearing their snotty head.
9. The urban fox problem.
10. The stinging nettles you don’t notice until it’s too late.
11. The chance of a rogue dog walker.
12. The need to carry a picnic blanket as a decoy.
13. The inability to have pillow talk because earth is uncomfortable.
14. The clothes that are lost forever to nature.
15. The dirty condom you now have to conceal on your person.
16. The awkward shuffle to the bus.
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