Married men have dished out pearls of wisdom on finding love - and some of their messages are quite heartwarming.
On Reddit, men used their experiences of dating and marriage to talk about finding âthe oneâ and the importance of things like communication, honesty and keeping things fresh in a relationship.
Hereâs their advice...
âIf you think youâve found âthe oneâ, ask yourself if that person would stick with you through thick and thin...
âThe good AND the bad. If youâre even a bit unsure, he/she may not be âthe oneâ.
âI have a friend who lost his job and pretended to go to work for a week for fear of [what] his wife would think/do. That marriage didnât last. If that were to happen to me, my wife would be the first person Iâd want to tell and run home to. Marry that person.â
âNever stop dating your spouse...
âGetting married isnât a finish line. Just like you donât magically get âin shapeâ one day and stop hitting the gym, you donât have a guaranteed relationship. Take the time to woo them on a regular basis. Small gifts, thoughtful tasks and date night. Itâs easy to fall into a comfortable rut, but it doesnât help anyone.â
âListen to understand rather than listen to respond...
âI think this goes for any relationship advice, but itâs super easy to listen to your wife and try to figure out how to respond; solve a problem, critique her issues, etc.
âSometimes the wife just wants to rant and if youâre busy figuring out how to respond, youâre not listening.â
- Sewtwo2
âRealise that your S.O. [significant other] communicates differently than you...
âYou can avoid a lot of anger and arguments by knowing the difference between frustration vs. confrontational intention.â
- ussrael
âIf you canât be yourself around someone, they arenât right for you...
âIf you have a deep love for Dungeons & Dragons, or football...or biking, donât make a secret of it.
âThat doesnât mean beat whoever youâre dating over the head with it, but talk about it. Some shared interests are important in a relationship...obviously not ALL interests should be shared, my wife likes reality TV, I like zombies. Those donât mesh together. But we share enough common interests that we can watch anime together and play D&D every weekend.â
âQuality beats quantity every single time...
âIf youâre still young and find yourself in a good relationship, donât mess it up for the sake of âplaying the fieldâ.â
âIf you want to be truly happy in a relationship be completely honest from the beginning...
âThis doesnât mean tell her everything on your first date, but donât lie about things that may be important to you just because you think it might get you laid.â
- sclerf
âEstablish boundaries very early on and stick to them...
âMy wife is a great person and I love her, BUT... her family is extremely pushy, domineering and controlling. They show up whenever they want, stay over days or weeks at a time, clean up our house to their standards, borrow money from her, call during dinner, etc. Every single clichĂ© you see in goofy romantic movies. Now itâs getting hard to break up that dynamic without looking like the bad guy.â
âDonât let your partner stop you from progressing on your professional life...
âAlso donât stop your partner from progressing. That creates scars that later on will affect the relationship.â
âTalk about things...
âSitting in moody silence for hours (or days, in extreme cases) will only eat away at the relationship. When I say talk, I donât mean try once and then give up, I mean push to get everything out in the open. Whilst it might be awkward to begin with, it can feel cathartic when youâre over whatever it was. And I say this because itâs somewhat surprising how many exchanges you can have that are the result of misunderstandings.
âOh, and put your ego to one side if you do this. It wonât work if you donât do that first.â
âDo what you want when you are young [but] when you find the woman you want to marry, take it seriously...
âDonât cheat, donât mess about. Be honest with her. I have âfriendsâ who cheat on their wives with one night stands and I honestly donât know how they can look their wives in their eyes.â
âDo not keep score...
âIf you love your partner let the petty stuff go, itâs not about how many more times youâve done the dishes. Itâs about love, appreciation, and respect.â
âDonât be ashamed to share your fetish...
âUsually actually surprisingly works in your favour.â
- plax1780
âItâs going to be ok...
âIâve been married for 8+ years now, and I wish I could go back and tell myself in my late teens/early 20s that there was someone out there for me whoâd be a great partner that I would want to spend the rest of my life with.
âSo if youâre someone out there whoâs looking for a long-term relationship and is worrying about it - itâs cool. Thereâs someone out there for you. Just be yourself, keep an eye out for the right person and get out there. My wife and I hit it off immediately, but it took a while for us to get together - we gave our friendship time, and that was a great decision.â
- ihlaking
âLearn how to cook...
âYouâll save LOTS of money. And NOTHING impresses a woman like a guy who can cook and actually enjoys it (youâll have to do that too). And not like one or two things either - I mean like know how to cook at least enough meals to make a monthâs worth of dinners without repeating more than one or two dishes.
âAnd a clean bathroom will get you a lot more play than flowers.â
âSpending time with your partner should be less work than spending time with anyone else...
âI find it easier to do chores, go on long drives, watch Netflix, or whatever with my wife than with anyone else, or even by myself. Of course, I still spend plenty of time with my friends and by myself. (If you feel like you arenât getting to do those things enough, thatâs another red flag of a bad relationship.) And my wife and I definitely get on each otherâs nerves sometimes. But thereâs almost never a time when I donât want to hang out with my wife. I almost never get sick of seeing her.â