Knowing when to say âI love youâ for the first time in a relationship can be a minefield, as one Mumset user recently discovered.
The woman wrote on the forum asking others when they first said âI love youâ, after feeling like the right time was approaching with her partner.
She received a mix of responses, ranging from two weeks to six months.
Relate counsellor Barbara Bloomfield told HuffPost UK itâs not unusual to feel anxious about when to tell another person we love them.
âWe may fear rejection and worry that we wonât hear the same words back,â she said.
âIf somebody says it too early, particularly if we have a fear of commitment or arenât sure about the relationship, then it can sometimes put people off.â
So when is the best time to drop those three little words?
According to Bloomfield, love means different things to different people âand we all express our love in different waysâ.
âSometimes we may not say to our partner that we love them but we may show it through our actions,â she said.
âOften you can trace back peopleâs attitudes to expressing their love to their family of origin.â
On the whole, Relate encourage people to talk openly about their feelings.
âTimes when you might want to hold back are if youâre already in a relationship with somebody else or the person who you love is,â Bloomfield said.
âIt may help to think about why youâre wanting to say it. Are you saying it because youâre feeling needy and insecure? This may not be the best motivation.â
She added that there is no set timeline for when you should express your love for someone else.
âBut if youâre feeling positive and full of love then it can be a wonderful thing to share,â she said.
âTry to look at your unique situation and decide whatâs right for you. Consider how serious your relationship with that person is, how they might take it and any possible repercussions.
âBut when it comes to expressing your love for another person, try not to overthink it. On the whole if you feel love and your motivations are good, then say it.â
However, Gay Times columnist and dating blogger The Guyliner believes saying âI love youâ can be overrated.
âI donât necessarily think you should have to say it at all. Thinking thereâs an ideal time or stage in a relationship makes it sound like a mechanical process rather than an insatiable urge, driven by emotion, passion and comfort,â he told HuffPost UK.
âIâm wary of people who consider saying âI love youâ to be a big deal â it usually implies it means nothing at all to them. I prefer my âI love yousâ to come from how I act, not what I say.
âAnd if they love you back, youâll know. No big speeches necessary...But donât say it right after sex. Nobody ever believes that one.â
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that if you donât receive the response youâre looking for after saying âI love youâ, it doesnât reflect on you as a person.
âIf they donât say it back then try not to take it personally,â Bloomfield said.
âIt may have much more to do with them than with you.â