Every festival-goer knows that for the full experience you need to lose your friends in a mosh pit, drink cider for breakfast, destroy all your belongings, and have some questionable sexual encounters.
And now it’s been revealed that Glastonbury is the most promiscuous festival in the UK, with 34% of attendees admitting they’ll be having sex with someone new, it’s time for us to recap on what exactly that experience entails.
Because although it might seem free-spirited and fun, we promise you it’s going to be a little more smelly than that.
1. Thinking that a festival instantly turns you into Casanova.
2. Packing an ambitious number of condoms.
3. Laying down terms and conditions of occupancy with your tent partner.
4. Being drunk whenever you actually meet someone new.
5. Having to make small-talk for the ten mile walk back to your tent.
6. Wishing you hadn’t pitched so near the portaloo.
7. Realising tents are literally the smallest space ever.
8. Finding a rogue Strongbow bottle where you’re trying to lie.
9. Learning that sleeping bags are the sweatiest hot pocket of filth.
10. Having to have a last-minute emergency wet wipe shower.
11. Knowing your hygiene standards have become non-existent.
12. Being more familiar with how they smell than how they look.
13. Trying to take off wellies and deciding it’s too much hassle.
14. Wondering why you ever thought flower crowns were sexy.
15. Hearing strangers walk past and knowing they can hear you.
16. Doing everything you can to stop bodily fluids getting in your sleeping bag.
17. Waking up with grass rash the next morning.
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