Assuming that life isn’t just a cruel simulation in this dark era, Randy Newman has written a song about President Donald Trump’s “dick.”
“I did write about him,” the legendary songwriter told Vulture over a cheeseburger and fries at a Manhattan hotel.
Newman has a new album, “Dark Matter,” coming out Aug. 4 that has a song about Russian President Vladimir Putin. But the song about Trump didn’t make it onto the album because Newman thought attacking the American president was “too easy.”
“The language was too vulgar,” he added.
Even so, Newman recited the lyrics of the nixed song to Vulture. And coming from the 73-year-old songwriter, who later in his career became synonymous with the “Toy Story” franchise, they’re incredible:
My dick’s bigger than your dick / It ain’t braggin’ if it’s true / My dick’s bigger than your dick / I can prove it too / There it is! There’s my dick / Isn’t that a wonderful sight? / Run to the village, to town, to the countryside / Tell the people what you’ve seen here tonight.
David Marchese of Vulture then asked how the chorus goes.
“The hook was ‘What a dick!’ Duh-duh-duh. ‘What a dick!,’” Newman replied.
He further explained his reasoning for leaving the song off the upcoming album. “I just didn’t want to add to the problem of how ugly the conversation we’re all having is,” he said, “so I didn’t put it out.”
It’s a shame that this song may never truly debut, although someone who works for a late night show should absolutely book Newman to play it.
In the meantime, here’s another Newman song about a woody: