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Writer Declares 'Boobs Are Back'. We Hadn't Realised They'd Left.

PSA: Breasts aren't a "trend" and they're all spectacular, regardless of their size.

03/08/2017 2:32 AM AEST | Updated 03/08/2017 2:40 AM AEST

A truly unhinged article published in the New York Post is generously informing women that what’s “in” this season has been hiding under your chin this whole time: BOOBS!

The article, entitled “Boobs are back in a big way” and written by Joely Chilcott, popped up in the Post on Tuesday and the pushback on it has been udderly fantastic (we’re not sorry).

NYPost

First published in The Sun, the opening line of this garbage piece of writing reads: “Stand up straight, push out your chest and work that feminine charm, as bountiful boobs are back in style.”

Sorry, we need a moment. Our eyes just rolled so hard they may now be stuck that way.

Okay we’re back now. Chilcott goes on to refer to Rihanna’s décolletage at a movie premiere as “a sight to behold” while describing Susan Sarandon’s “puppies” at the Cannes Film Festival as “fantastically brazen” and outshining the “flat-chested, flesh-flashing millennials.”

Pardon us, but... what the actual fuck?

For one, breasts are not a “trend” that go in and out. While it is shocking, even if breasts are “in” during the fall, but “out” by winter, the hard truth is that they will still be there despite the change of season (Chilcott, a woman, should know that first hand).

Breasts are not like Justin Timberlake’s mysteriously disappearing and reappearing “sexy.” They cannot just “come back.” The overwhelming majority of breasts have not gone anywhere to come back from.

Secondly, New York Post/The Sun, you do realize you have the choice to NOT publish this detritus, right? Because you do. 

Twitter felt similarly about the whole thing. Many, like us, wondered where boobs had gone. Some expressed their gratitude that they could unsheathe their hidden busts, others were simply incredulous: 

The moral of this godforsaken story is that this op-ed sucks, boobs are perfect (no matter their size, shape, etc.), and, if you’re going to assess trends, you better make damn sure that it’s not objectifying human beings in the process.

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