And we're back, starting the episode with some thoughtful contemplation and shirtless-ness. Matty's sister Kate – who featured on his season of 'The Bachelorette' as a 'Terminator'-esque figure in Matty's life.
Sporting a way more casual haircut, Kate seemed a little less intense initially, having a cute chat with her brother.
Big Sister Kate wanders into the house and announces herself before letting Alix the body painter know she nabbed the single date. As Matty explains the day, that the bachelorettes will be spending time with his sister getting to know all the skeletons in their closet. Spooky.
Kate obviously picks Leah to have an intense chat first, and the two of them walk off while the other women give testimonials about "rumours" they've heard about Leah's job as a "party planner". Turns out she was a topless waitress, which is apparently the worst thing a person can be so that explains why two prior bachelors had the same job.
Everything got increasingly ugly and we already spoke about the show crossing a line (which you can read about here), but while Matty took Alix on a wakeboarding date, the girls began to snipe and gripe about Leah's "job".
Alix and Matty seemed to have a fine time on their date, honestly it was pretty boring and we started to think it should have been "wake-up boarding". Haha, nailed it. Alix got a rose, so she was safe for the next round.
In the group date a handful of the women were taken to a kindergarten to build volcanoes with some kids. It was a super cute date, and at the end of it Matty decided Laura did the best job at wrangling a kid and making him not cry. Matty and Laura had some alone time which consisted of a lot of kissing on a paddle boat.
Back at the house Leah was forced to confront the other girls and a mini screaming match ensured. Which led perfectly into the cocktail party. After Matty's sister briefed him on the briefless parties, he decided he needed to interrogate Leah immediately.
Their conversation was pretty disappointing, with Matty treating Leah like she had committed a series of heinous murders rather than just hosted a few bucks parties. He then confronted Simone after learning she did similar work, and she told him how much she had changed. The man who was simultaneously dating 20 women was pretty judgemental.
At the end of the day Matty called Leah out to the driveway and asked her to leave before the rose ceremony, blaming "too much drama" for her sudden departure.
The ads had been promising a "shocking, controversial date" for the next episode so we knew some drama was about to go down. As the sun rose on another episode the women reflected on how nice things were now Leah was gone. Stephanie said things were full of butterflies and rainbows... and then the date card arrived.
Elora was chosen to go on the single date, which sent ripples through the house. Elora was the first bachelorette to be picked for a single date, and now was the first bachelorette to be chosen for a second solo date, despite some bachelorettes still not getting a solo date at all.
"I'm looking forward to a day without her in the house," Jennifer said before the loudest slurp of tea ever recorded in the history of television. Most of the other women looked on with disgust as Elora went to get ready for her date. Butterflies and rainbows!
Elora and Matty went and had a beautiful picnic while the other girls said things like "If he pushed her off a cliff tonight I honestly wouldn't be sad". Seriously. Sharlene also commented that Matty thinks she's just part of the catering team. Then she served the other bachelorettes a platter of devilled eggs and refreshed their beverages.
Back on the date: Matty blew up a swan. Just to be clear, the swan was inflatable. The pair floated on a little lake on an inflatable swan. They had a huge pash while the swan had to awkwardly watch.
Matty and Elora had a deep connection and as he gave her a rose, he revealed that wasn't the end of the date, letting her know he had two cabins nearby, the two were going to stay the night.
As Matty opened the door to her cabin, Elora asked if he was coming in, before sensually wandering into the cabin and adding, "I mean my door's literally open."
Then it cut to Matty jogging through the bush, letting us know what a Good Guy he was for turning down her offer. He then revealed all the other bachelorettes would be joining the pair in the Blue Mountains for a group date.
The women are then introduced to the dignified trial for the day: the 'Bachelor Bush Race 2017'. The race would be a mix of a race plus a trivia test based on the compatibility of the bachelorettes and Matty.
During the race Elora was winning by a mile, answering each question right. This enraged the other women who believed Elora had enough alone time with Matty already, so Florence decided to simply cheat the system. A foolproof plan: cheat in front of an entire camera crew. Now nobody will ever know!
And then she cheated again. And again.
"We're so compatible, it's not even funny!" Florence said, her pants completely on fire. To Florence's credit, during her alone time with Matty she confessed to her indiscretion and owned up to the fact that she loves cheating at board games. So they pashed for ages.
Back at the mansion full of butterflies, rainbows, hugs and kindness, the women were still fuming about Elora's time with Matty. "I'm actually really upset about this situation," Stephanie said to a handful of bachelorettes.
"Woah, you're still here?" They were all probably thinking.
Sharlene was getting desperate for some Matty time, having never really had some alone time with him.
Meanwhile police officer Michelle – who is too precious and kind and probably deserves better than this experience – decided this episode was the perfect time to introduce us to the Sheriff of savagery. Michelle wasn't holding back when it came to some incredible zingers against the other bachelorettes, it was quality viewing.
Sharlene finally approached Matty to interrupt his time with Jen which, surprisingly she was using to tell Matty to talk to Sharlene.
"Hi, how are you? I'm actually one of the bachelorettes and not the external caterer," Sharlene said offering a platter of crab cakes and a light celeriac remoulade dipping sauce.
Returning to the party Jennifer confided in Michelle: "It hurts my soul to watch."
"Hurts my soul," the Sheriff of savagery chortled, "c'mon... you don't have one."
Sharlene took the time to chat to Matty and open up about feeling frustrated with the process of the show. Having barely any time with him she was starting to feel "behind" some of the other women who were well on their love connection journey with the bachelor.
So Matty dropped a huge bombshell.
"There's a lot about you that I really like and I think what we have is lovely but is that going to proceed and evolve into being a romantic connection? In my eyes... Unfortunately I don't think it is."
Sharlene proceeded to say "thanks" 100 times as her eyes glazed over while Matty spouted the usual crap about her being a really great person.
Who are we supposed to be rooting for in this show?
Sharlene wandered back to the cocktail party to announce to the other bachelorettes that she was going home, saving face she told the women it wasn't for her, and she felt like she needed to go home.
"Poor Matty," Cobie said.
"I hope he's ok," Florence replied.
"I need another wine," the audience all sighed at the same time.
Outside the mansion, Sharlene began to reason with why it would have never worked out in the first place. "There are so many things that don't match up about our lives, I mean he's not into pugs... and I've got a pug."
"He doesn't like musical theatre and I'm in a musical theatre production every season so... this was the right thing to happen."
Stephanie and Alix -- who got the single date the episode prior -- didn't receive roses and were shown the door. Despite Matty showing drama the door this week, we're pretty sure there'll be plenty more next week.Suggest a correction