Still reeling from the incredibly weird rose ceremony showdown between himself and Uncle Sam, Blake was celebrating reaching the final five.
But before he has a chance to say "bromance" Sophie showed up at the house to introduce the remaining five bachelors to a compatibility expert from E-Harmony. His name was Jonathan and he studied relationships to find out who was the most compatible with Sophie.
"YOU MEAN LIKE A COMPEITION?" Jarrod screamed at a pitch so high only dogs could hear, his whole face turning a shade of red never before seen by the human eye.
The first compatibility test was an exercise that gave each bachelor a series of coloured wedges that corresponded to a chart, they were to use the wedges to create a pie chart that summarised their personality.
As an example, our pie chart would be half blue, meaning confused, and half pink, meaning super bored by this compatibility test.
"This guy wants to share every single feeling he has," E-Harmony man said about Jarrod's chart which was absolutely the most accurate thing that has ever been said on the series. James wasn't disorganised enough so he was eliminated.
The second task asked the bachelors to dress a mannequin like they would want to see Sophie dressed for the perfect date.
Jarrod immediately ripped his mannequin's arm off.
Round three was a game of perfect match. One of the questions asked what the bachelors would do if they won $100 million on the lottery.
Stu has an estimated net worth of $500 million. "I guess I'd throw it down onto the street like at the end of 'A Christmas Carol' and buy a turkey. How much do turkeys cost? $100 million?"
At the end of the third round Richie Rich won the alone time with Sophie after wooing her with answers to questions like "I love diamonds" or "how good is diving into a pool full of golden doubloons".
Stu told Sophie how many feelings he has for her which is great and sweet considering they've spent all of eleven minutes alone together (we're pretending like we don't know they knew each other before the show just let us live in blissful ignorance!).
Osher presented the final five with the last single date card of the season which went to Blake. Jarrod was Very Angry because somewhere along this journey he decided that Blake isn't here for the right reasons.
Blake, meanwhile, has decided that he and Sophie would make the perfect couple for absolutely no discernible reason whatsoever. Sophie took him on a date to play with goats.
"Blake is awesome with the goats," Sophie said. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a man who is awesome with the goats.
Blake then explained his new "tactic" for winning Sophie's heart. Getting to her on an "emotional level", showing her his sensitive side because – according to Blake – "that's what girls want".
Back at the house Apollo and Jarrod were doing situps. "A hundred and SEVEN.... A hundred and EIGHT..." Jarrod winked at the camera. The pair of them had a stilted conversation about how Blake needed to be brought down to earth because he's devious.
Back on the last single date of the season Blake was charming Sophie with things like "I love cuddling" and "I think if you are with someone in a relationship they should be like... the other person?"
Then they had to sit on a couch in the middle of a garden while a band played a song to only them, which this show does all the time and it is always so, so awkward. There's honestly nothing romantic about having a whole band playing a song to only you.
That's too intense and bad! They started kissing in the middle of the song! That's so rude! They were being a bad audience! The band had to go out and find an extension cable long enough to reach a damn garden and these two were too busy locking lips to appreciate the music!
After his date, Blake didn't receive a rose but when he entered the cocktail party Stu told him he looked like a million dollars, something that Stu would absolutely know considering he's literally a millionaire.
Jarrod and Blake clashed again, in Jarrod's words he was just very worried that Sophie may end up "with a dud".
"You callin' me a dud?" Blake asked incredulously as everyone around him nodded.
The rose ceremony was a slow process. Who will go, we thought to ourselves. Would it be Jarrod or Blake? Jarrod? Or Blake? Obviously there were only two options with the episode pitting them against each other the entire time...
SURPRISE! Sophie. Sent. James. Home.
Beautiful James. Kind, financial advisor James. Perfect for every occasion James. Bring him to the BBQ when you're told not to bring a thing Jimmy. Delightful, wonderful James. Ol' Jiminy cricket. He's gone. James did not receive a rose.
Whatever, it's not like we had fallen in love with James or anything.
We're not crying. You are. Shut up.Suggest a correction