The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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luv playing my favorite game: is it the anxiety or the caffeine or the depression or the most recent news or just The Way Things Are Now
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) November 20, 2017
QUICK BEAUTY TIP FOR LADIES: Decrease fine lines and under eye bags by not doing emotional labor for men today.
— Sarah Day (@scribblingfox) November 19, 2017
2017: the year I learned some things about my capacity for anger and disgust pic.twitter.com/vuyxFs79pm
— ann friedman (@annfriedman) November 20, 2017
Wish someone “Happy International Men’s Day!” tomorrow & allow them to loudly correct you. Far better than any card.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 19, 2017
me: *violently flaps open new trash bag*
me: i am the backbone of this household
— Jessica Misener (@jessmisener) November 21, 2017
My mom says she wants a dog but I think she just wants someone to fetch her slippers when I'm not around.
— Morgan Jerkins (@MorganJerkins) November 20, 2017
me: i have to be up in about six hours i should go to sleep
also me: i should take every hogwarts house sorting quiz i can find
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 21, 2017
"well i'm a woman & he's never assaulted me" is much like a serial killer proclaiming "i have plenty of living friends!"
— Franchesca Ramsey (@chescaleigh) November 21, 2017
"why wasn't i invited to that? i wouldn't have gone, but i should've been invited." --me all the time
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) November 20, 2017
Stars, They're Just Like Us! [Image of male celebrity in sweatpants outside Starbucks frantically drafting a public apology about his NYT harassment exposé]
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) November 20, 2017
watching football too long like damn those tights might look good on me
— cait (@harmonicait) November 21, 2017
My tarot card reader and my therapist gave me the exact same advice…..what does this mean? And yes, I realize the follow-up question is going to be “You have a tarot card reader?”
— Allison P Davis (@AllisonPDavis) November 21, 2017
Love when my parents criticize an aspect of my personality that is 100 percent their fault
— Alana Hope Levinson (@alanalevinson) November 21, 2017
I guess if we want to avoid sexual harassment allegations we should stop letting men do things, just to be safe
— erin cornucopia ryan (@morninggloria) November 21, 2017
*walks up to microphone*
yes, good evening, and thank you for joining me here today. I wanted to call this press conference to let anyone concerned know that I like sandwiches from Subway and I don't give a fuck who knows it. no questions please. thank you.
— Brokey S. Turkeys (@brokeymcpoverty) November 21, 2017
One positive thing that has come out of this year is how reading the news now qualifies as cardio.
— Brohibition Now (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 22, 2017
My mom checked the weather and when "The Voice" was on tonight... with a NEWSPAPER.
— Kay Cannon (@KayKayCannon) November 21, 2017
maybe she's born with it
maybe it's the bottle of wine she drank at dinner that makes her numb to the world!!!
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) November 18, 2017
my gravestone may well read “insufficiently deferential” but it will also read “worth it, tbh”
— stacy-marie ishmael (@s_m_i) November 21, 2017
my roommate made the mistake of asking me why I’m putting my to-do list on Excel and 20 minutes later I was suddenly shouting “—AND CVS SAID THEY DIDNT HAVE MY PRESCRIPTION EVEN THOUGH THAT’S LITERALLY THE REASON I WENT TO THE DOCTOR!!!”
— Sammy Nickalls 🧚♀️ (@sammynickalls) November 21, 2017