9 Principles This Blended Family Tries To Live By Every Day

Not everything is in your control -- especially in a blended family.

As part of our Blended Family Friday series, each week we spotlight stepfamilies to learn how they’ve worked to bring their kids together. Our hope is that by telling their stories, we’ll bring you closer to blended family bliss in your own life! Want to share your story? Email us at divorce@huffingtonpost.com.

With five kids under the age of 12, Noelle Crites and her husband Marshall have a lot on their plates. Crites’s secret to keeping it all together? She makes a conscious effort to let go of all that’s not in her control and focus on loving her family instead.

“We are a loud, spunky, funky family and we all try to focus on peace and love,” Crites told HuffPost recently.

Below, the Portland-area mom shares more of her family’s story.

Hi Noelle. Please introduce us to your family!

My husband Marshall and I have five kids: Hayden (12), Emma (11), Madeline (9), Marshall James (4) and Malakai (2). Marshall and I have been together seven years and married six years.

What are some of the biggest challenges of blended family life?
It can be challenging to keep the peace among all the children and the other parents and maintain respect and discipline in the household. Just keeping the volume and chaos down is hard! We try to adhere to nine principles in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control but because we are imperfect people, it doesn’t always work out.

It’s also difficult to divide attention equally among the children while still working on time for ourselves individually and as a couple. For the last four years my spouse has been in school two nights a week while holding down a 40+ hour job and I have been faced with a chronic illness. We are always battling balancing time and energy between job, school, doctor appointments and extracurricular activities. We’ve tried to address this by planning dates every Friday night and giving ourselves individually a night a week to recharge.

Five Gables Photography

What’s the best thing about being part of a blended family?
The uniqueness of each person and the surprising unity. In our time as a blended family, we have learned that when you have all the kids together, you have to make an effort to unite. Lately, our favorite thing to do in the evening when we are all together is to read classic novels aloud as a family. The uniqueness of each member leads to some interesting conversation and many laughs!

What makes you proudest of your family?
The love that’s shared among us. Our children genuinely look out for one another, encourage, help, mentor, care for and flat out love each other and us. We also share love with the world by delivering meals to disabled elderly people through Meals on Wheels and we’ll be ringing the bell for the Salvation Army again this month. Being united in love and sharing it with the world keeps us proud and moving.

What advice do you have for other parents who may feel like peace in their household is out of reach?
I would say give plenty of grace, try to be understanding and communicate often. It starts first with the parents: It's important to make sure you never give up on quality time with each other as a couple to communicate. Also make time for all the children and let them know you are always there to listen.

Engage with the other parents and children with grace and hold back on negative comments. The child's attitude and behavior may be a reflection of you and the example you are setting. I strongly believe in adult time-outs when certain situations are too much to handle.

Be understanding! Some of our children's lives are shuffled between households every day. Last but not least, go with the flow. Too much time and energy is wasted on things you cannot change so learn to accept it.

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