TASTE

The 9 Worst Retro Foods The Holidays Have Ever Endured

Way too many meats were shaped into Christmas trees.

20/12/2016 10:27 PM AEDT | Updated 20/12/2016 10:27 PM AEDT

Retro is often exciting, especially in fashion. But when it comes to food, retro is usually meet with horror ― and for good reason. Retro foods are beloved by only the culinary brave; to all others, they’re an atrocity. They’ve been known to ruin a great many appetites.

We’ve seen some scary retro recipes out there, but the worst of the worst are definitely particular to the holidays. There’s something about the Christmas tree shape that really made recipe creators of the past feel far too bold. We’re grateful this trend has passed, along with all things aspic. 

Behold, the nine worst retro recipes to have ever disgraced the holidays.

  • 1 Tuna Christmas Tree
    Originally published in Better Homes and Gardens® publications. http://www.bhg.com/recipes
    All we want for Christmas is to not eat tuna shaped like a Christmas tree. From "Treasury of Holiday Ideas" (Better Homes and Gardens, 1968).
  • 2 Tomato Aspic
    McCall's Great American Recipe Card Collection via Dougsploitation.blogspot.co.uk
    Aspic, a moldable jelly made from gelatin and stock, was an extremely popular dish in the '50s and '60s. It was responsible for some truly frightening meals. We should all consider ourselves lucky that we aren't faced with this at the holiday table.
  • 3 Christmas Candle Salad
    Tested Recipe Institute Inc. via VintageRecipeCards.com
    Mmm, leave it to banana candles to make the holidays feel bright. Find the recipe on VintageRecipeCards.com.
  • 4 Shrimp Christmas Tree
    Bon Appetit
    At least today everyone can agree that a Christmas tree compiled of shrimp is not a good idea. “I don’t even know where to begin. The whole thing is atrocious, but in an amazing way," said Bon Appetit senior food editor Dawn Perry. Find the recipe on Bon Appetit.
  • 5 Santa's Whiskers
    Originally published in Better Homes and Gardens® publications. http://www.bhg.com/recipes
    Hands down the worst name for a cookie ever. Ever. Find the recipe on VintageRecipes.com.
  • 6 Cranberry Candles
    Hellmans
    Nothing says holiday cheer like a candle that you can eat because it's made out of mayonnaise. 
  • 7 Christmas Confections
    The Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library via VintageRecipeCards.com
    Why so many foods had to be shaped like a Christmas tree is a mystery that will never be solved. These trees were built with Cheerios dyed with green food coloring, marshmallows and gumdrops. Find the recipe on VintageRecipeCards.com.
  • 8 Frozen Fruit Cake Salad
    Originally published in Better homes and Gardens® publications. http://www.bhg.com/recipes
    Crushed pineapple, bananas, candied cherries, sour cream and frozen whipped dessert topping: Don't be fooled, this is no salad. Find the recipe on VintageRecipes.com.
  • 9 Cocktail Weenie Tree
    From Merry Kitschmas via ApartmentTherapy
    Happy holidays!
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