When It Comes To Apostrophes, I'm Possessive

16/01/2016 6:22 AM AEDT | Updated 15/07/2016 12:51 PM AEST
A sign advertising the price of onions is seen with an incorrect apostrophe added, at a market stall in Maida Vale, London Friday, May 11, 2001. Founders of The Apostrophe Protection Society have set out to enlighten local merchants in their northeastern county of Lincolnshire. Butchers, greengrocers, supermarket managers and even a librarian received polite letters drawing their attention to displays of aberrant punctuation and setting them straight on the difference between plural and possessive. (AP Photo/Max Nash)

I didn't finish high school*, so I'm the first to admit that my grammar and punctuation is average at best. (I mean, what is a demonstrative pronoun, anyway? And when was the last time you used reciprocal adjectives? I rest my case).

I'm proud to say I know 'their' from 'they're' and 'your' from 'you're'. I also feel as though I have a fairly firm grasp of when it's appropriate to use a comma, or when an apostrophe is required. We all learnt that in Year 5, right?

Though, it seems the vast majority of the Instagram community skipped class that year. All you have to do is go for a Sunday-morning scroll to see how many apostrophes are murdered needlessly.

'Sunday's in the sun' is something I see often. Or 'Sunday's are the best'. Those poor apostrophes died for nothing. Their whole lives a waste. The 'Sunday' in question is not the combination of two words. It isn't in possession of anything (except my enduring love), and it's not plural -- there is only one Sunday at a time. (Unfortunately.)

Far worse than the untimely death of the innocent apostrophe is the brutal mass murder of commas. You see, one of my favorite pastimes is to observe (some call it stalk -- you say potato I say potatoe) people on Facebook. It's kind of like my version of reality TV -- these people's lives are far more interesting and uncensored than the Kardashian clan. Random people add me as a friend and I accept so I can observe their overshares -- it's great fun!

Anyway, some of these 'friends' throw errant commas around like glitter. When banging on about, some very intimate or mushy thing, they use a comma, every two or three words, and not even, in the right, spots, and it makes me equal, parts furious, and very well, entertained.

How many apostrophes must die needlessly? (FYI -- this misuse of apostrophes is called a greengrocer's apostrophe, because they are most commonly found among apple's that possess $2.50 a kilo.)

How many mass murders of commas must occur while, we, read, a, jolting, sentence, holding our breath, waiting for it, to finish, desperately, seeking, a, full, stop?

And don't get me started on the overuse of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm pretty sure Twitter only increased its character limit to accommodate THE EMPHATIC TIMES IN WHICH WE LIVE!!!!!!!

We all make mistakes. I'm no grammar God and have impersonated a greengrocer from time to time, minus the pencil behind the ear. I just think that pencil should be used to maintain good grammar standards. When it comes to good grammar, you might say I'm possessive.

*I was going to blog about not finishing high school, but I couldn't bothered. Which is probably an indication as to why I didn't finish.

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