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How To Know If You Are Starting To Get Old

You actually want to spend time with your family.

22/12/2016 8:35 PM AEDT | Updated 26/12/2016 9:29 AM AEDT
Dimitri Otis
"You know how much Botox costs and have set a mental commencement date."

Your twenties are a tricky decade. You leave the nest, you have 'partners' and 'relationships', you (usually) become financially independent and hell, you even have a full-time job.

Your life attitude at the commencement of your twenties eventually flips on its head and turns into a vastly different view when bridging on your thirties.

It is difficult to pinpoint the exact moment when your mentality from your early twenties changes, but you know you're getting old when...

You listen to speeches

Gone are the days when you groan when the birthday girl's father gets up with six A4 pages. As are the times you spent holding up the bar (there is no line at speeches time) and drink dry the remainder of the bar tab.

Now you listen and you laugh. Sometimes you get teary. You shush people and ensure their glasses are charged.

When did you learn so much respect?

You feel blessed when you receive soap for a present

The magical fairy at your parent's home that replenished toiletries somehow didn't make the move to your independent living abode. A luxury soap that you can't show off to your peers just isn't worth spending your hard-earned on. To all the aunties, grandmas, colleagues and the present clueless out there, keep 'em coming!

You have savings

Look, you may only be transferring $4 per paycheck in to your ING account, but at least you have set up a direct debit for your European backpacking trip credit card debt (that you went on when you were 20).

You have bought a TattsLotto ticket

And you were convinced you were going to win. You stood in line with 50 other people who were also certain it was theirs but you just knew it would be you. This working full time thing forever isn't really your style.

You know how much you can borrow for a house

It may be a caravan in regional Queensland, and you may need to work for 15 more years to save the deposit, but you have a goal.

You use anti-aging products

Daily and religiously. The photos are lying, it was just bad light, but it's best to be safe. You also know how much Botox costs and have set a mental commencement date.

You wear sunscreen

Because in Australia, sun-smart safety doesn't take a holiday and neither do wrinkles and turkey neck.

Your sibling is having a baby

You aren't freaking out about changing diapers. You are mentally planning ways to make it cooler than said sibling and for the new being to prefer your company -- you're a role model now after all. Plus, another family member, how cool, right?

You don't secretly go through your partners phone

You are pretty privy to the whole cheating thing by now, hell, whether it's physical or emotional, you've done it yourself. You don't need to snoop, you will just know. It's their loss anyway, you're awesome.

You want a promotion

It's been what, 18 months now? You've smiled, nodded and worked hard at pretending to work. It's your turn. Six figures, please. You're nearly 30 after all.

You don't care about pimples anymore

Pimples are a sign of youth and puberty. They're not really congested pores at all. You are proudly sending snapchats to your friends urging them to check out your latest steamer.

You give to charity

And you don't tell anyone about it. Gone are the days of the heartthrob sympathy for the elderly raising money at train stations that you give 20 cents to. Now you want to make a difference, you want to give back, and you can recognise that you are doing just fine.

You want to spend time with your family

Friendship groups are hard now. Your 'girl gang' is dissipating. Some are married, some have kids, and some are still doing Jager-bombs at 4am on a Tuesday. The big plus at family abodes is you don't have to be polite or do the dishes.

You're scared of alcohol

Because Maccas brekkie and a run doesn't make you dandy anymore. Work drinks on a Friday night? Can you function? Will your brain still feel like it's stuck to your scalp on Sunday? Will you still be able to do the grocery shopping? Does paracetamol actually work? Is it worth it? You worked all week for these two days off. Better clean on Thursday night!

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