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Dear John, We Need To Talk About Donald

It's not you, it's Trump.

13/07/2017 1:46 PM AEST | Updated 13/07/2017 2:27 PM AEST
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At least we'll always have Drumpf.

Dear John,

And Stephen. And Seth. Noah, Jimmy K and Jimmy F.

We've had some great times together. You, on your late night shows, talking at me from the TV screen. Me, sitting with a packet of Mint Slices, a cup of Earl Grey and a crotcheted rug over the knee.

It was important that we spent these hours together. During the U.S. election, I had devoured every piece of analysis I could get my hands on and gone cross-eyed scrolling through my Twitter feed. I became versed in swing states and polling margins of error with the same fervour once held for a hanging chad.

It was exhausting. And so for some levity, I turned to my late night show friends.

You, Jimmy Kimmel, were spot on when talking about Trump's inauguration crowd.

"He's focused on the size of this crowds, on the size of his ratings, on the size of his hands," Kimmel said.

You, John Oliver, were admittedly late to the Trump circus. But then you brought us Donald Drumpf, and all was well again.

And Stephen Colbert, that time you engaged in some "yellow journalism" to talk about Trump's "unfortunate leak". It was raining down from comedy heaven.

Look, boys, we've had some great times. But it's hard to find the humour in this anymore.

Donald Trump Jr is out of control, a U.S. Congressman is taking steps to impeach Trump, there's the Comey investigation, the exit from the Paris Agreement, that pesky thing about millions of Americans to become uninsured under the repeal of Obamacare and the Muslim ban.

It's simply too much.

So, I'm popping off for a while. I'll still be on the couch, yes. But I'll be hanging out with other friends, who dwell in space and time and alternate realities -- Doctor Who, Jim Holden from The Expanse, and Offred from The Handmaid's Tale.

I'll see you again when the real world seems less apocalyptic.


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