Whether at work, play or having a punt, rules are rules. And you thought all those hours watching the footy were just a good laugh! Here's 10 life lessons you can take off the field this finals season.
Down the blindside (shortside)
Powerful move when you're trying to manoeuvre around stadium crowds with beers in hand, rushing for the last packet of corn chips at the supermarket or running home to catch the opening whistle. On the street or at the game, you need to hug the sideline by ducking towards the wall or gutter for a risky but people-free run. Balance is important too, because dropping the ball will get you a severe reprimand from your mates.
Best On Ground
This is what finals champions are made of. At work, a best on ground performance might mean sealing that big deal or bringing through a case of doughnuts just as the 3pm sugar crash is looming. At play, a truly great performance might include finding the perfect parking spot outside the ground, finding a shortcut to the front of the pie queue or turning $5 into a couple of hundred with a multi that all your mates thought was no chance.
Off the ball incident (also see video referee)
Sometimes you just don't see it coming. The night is going well when BANG, something great happens out of sight. Maybe your clumsy mate, too absorbed in watching the game on the big screen, trips and sloshes his drink over a group of unimpressed ladies. Or maybe you looked up just too late to see a minor celebrity carted outside by security staff. The good news is everyone is on their phone, and someone no doubt got a Snapchat of the incident. Straight to the video ref for an instant replay.
Uncontested possession
This usually only happens to models, celebrities, billionaires or sports stars, but on the odd night you will get a free run to the line because of uncontested possession. You'll see the person of your dreams across a room and you swoop in to start chatting them up without any unwanted interruptions. It's a very rare occurrence, especially on a crowded playing field. Make it count.
Video referee
Very important when a difficult decision needs to be made or there has been an off the ball incident. In the social media age there's a good chance someone in your group got some footage or photos, which you'll need to make the tough call. This is handy when you need to figure out who swiped your drink, pinched the last chip or was responsible for an off the ball incident.
Cover defence
Very tough to get right and usually requires a well-drilled unit working together. The key is ensuring everyone has the same story when something goes wrong; maybe your mate goes too hard in celebrating a long-odds win and doesn't turn up to work the next day, or his footy team gets pipped in a close one and he goes off drinking alone all night. Make sure you're all on the same page or you might get benched.
Short arm penalty
Sometimes a friend commits a minor offence, which requires a small penalty. Maybe you missed your shout at the bar because you headed to the toilet or needed to make a phone call, or you bought the wrong flavour chips at the snack bar. These penalties can be rubbed out with a double shout, paying for the cab home, or inviting the boys over to your place for the next game.
Professional foul
It's a pretty low act but sometimes it can save the team. Best used in really tough situations with little other alternative. Professional fouls can vary from questioning a colleague's honesty at work to accusing a barman of supporting Collingwood. Risky play. Only use when absolutely necessary or you might be suspended for the next few games.
Surprise Play
You never suspect it. You think you have a free run to the line with the guy or girl of your dreams. You've deployed a number of dummy runners and you've even attacked down the blind side when the bartender (who was never in play) makes a surprise raid with conversation and a free drink. It might be worth committing a professional foul in this instance.
Penalty shootout
You're standing outside a nightclub and huddled as a team. You know you won't be let in as a group, but you're a chance individually. The goal of a penalty shootout is to get everyone in. Those who miss shouldn't be there anyway.
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