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20 Christmas Cracker Jokes That Are So Bad They're Good

With Christmas comes tradition. There's the all-important decoration of the Christmas tree, the singing of carols, the exchanging of presents... and the Christmas cracker.

Typically the cracker will proffer the following "goods" -- a paper crown or Christmas hat, a small gift (because everyone's really hanging out for that new nail clipper or measuring tape) and, of course, the cringe-worthy, groan-inducing joke.

Who knows who makes these up or why they have become synonymous with celebrating the birth of Jesus, but the Christmas cracker joke is here and it's here to stay.

Here's a collection of some of our favourites (?) guaranteed to make you -- if not laugh -- then at least roll your eyes.


1. What does a frog do if his car breaks down?

He gets it toad away.

2. What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?

A nervous wreck.

3. What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas lunch?


4. Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?

Because he had a low "elf" esteem.

5. Who is Santa's favourite singer?

Elf-is Presley.

6. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker.

7. What lies in a pram and wobbles?

A jelly baby.

8. What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet.

9. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?

A Krisp Kringle.

10. What do you call a three-legged donkey?

A wonky donkey.

11. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple.

12. What athlete is warmest in winter?

A long jumper.

13. What do you get if you cross a hen with a bedside clock?

An alarm cluck.

14. "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."

"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

15. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?


16. What do you call a man who plays with leaves?


17. Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop?

It blew away.

18. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?


19. What did the Policeman say to the stomach?

You're under a vest.

20. What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

Nothing, it just gave off a little wine.

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