The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
If my story were written by Disney, it would have been titled "The Princess and the Pie."
— Barbara the Ninja (@ninjadinosaur1) March 6, 2017
So confused. By the end of 2016 I was supposed to be carrying Drake or Anthony Joshua's first child. All my goals just fallin thru the floor
— Michaela Coel (@MichaelaCoel) March 6, 2017
Donald Trump's ego needs its own Secret Service protection.
— Feminisce Mackie (@FeministaJones) March 6, 2017
I enjoy the endless optimism of resealable ice cream containers.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) March 6, 2017
Who wants to bet that Ben Carson will say that Harriet Tubman was a tour guide and the Underground Railroad was a commuter train?
— Stacey Patton (@DrStaceyPatton) March 7, 2017
Me:*pulls out salad for lunch
Coworker: *pulls out 6 boxes of girl scout cookies & nods at me
Me: *tosses salad in fridge
CW: Let's do this.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) March 6, 2017
reminder that no matter how much I love you I don't answer google-able questions for anyone who is not a blood relative ☺️☺️☺️
— wikipedia brown (@eveewing) March 7, 2017
nobody tells you that life is like one big high school group project that never ends.
— Melissa Radzimski (@melissaradz) March 6, 2017
Sean Spicer always treats his briefings like a customer service counter. "I don't know anything, let me connect you with Homeland security"
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) March 9, 2017
remember when twitter didnt exist and ur boss had no idea how late u were awake last night
— Julia Bush (@jabush) March 10, 2017
Can someone PLEASE explain to my manager that Buffy is leaving Netflix April 1st and so everything else will have to wait
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) March 9, 2017
"Are you a nightmare all the time or just before the coffee kicks in?"
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) March 10, 2017
Paul Ryan: Girl, are you healthcare? Cuz I wanna take you away from the people who need you most and only share you with my rich friends.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 10, 2017
[Presenting @ event]
Me: "Good evening. I'm embarassed to be here" Assistant whispering: "you're happy..."
Me: "I'm happy to be embarrassed"
— Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) March 9, 2017