The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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imagine you met a man who was perfect in every way and then he told you, entirely seriously, that big bang theory was his favourite tv show— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) March 20, 2017
senate judiciary committee if you DID like having your job explained to you in a condescending manner i can strongly recommend being female— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) March 21, 2017
Yes you should apologize for walking through a spider web because it makes you a home wrecker. Next question.— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 21, 2017
"Well-behaved women seldom make history," I whisper as I don't wait the full ten minutes for the oven to preheat.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 21, 2017
Does your father know you are a feminist?!— Ijeoma Umebinyuo (@ijeomaumebinyuo) March 22, 2017
My father: pic.twitter.com/ZfSJ2HTV4R
When you sync your period with a friend it feels like in a 90s tv show when two witches join hands, then explode something with their minds.— Barbara Holm (@barbara_holm) March 23, 2017
I love the detente of a yellow cab. I can't rate him; he can't rate me.— Lydia Polgreen (@lpolgreen) March 22, 2017
I made a batch of brownies and let my kids eat most of them and I just feel like I should lose weight for that— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) March 21, 2017
Every third Internet comment is "But what about this thing you weren't talking about?!"— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 18, 2017
I tried a new natural deodorant today pic.twitter.com/LxWgIWsNNP— Michelle Lee (@heymichellelee) March 17, 2017
Coyote ugly has a 22% on rotten tomatoes this is the greatest injustice of our time ??????— Jessica Samakow (@jsam1126) March 19, 2017
always worried that my coworkers don't consider me mature but then claire asked me if i could help her send a fax— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) March 22, 2017
I have a friend who thinks anyone who posts a selfie is a narcissist but she literally took half her own genetics and made a new human so.— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) March 22, 2017
Me: How was your day?— Ijeoma Oluo (@IjeomaOluo) March 23, 2017
9yr old: Not good
Me: Wanna talk
9yr old: I just want to play piano, it will help
*pounds away mary had a little lamb*
"STOP THE MADNESS!" I yell at a happy couple holding hands and kissing. "THE WORLD IS A MESS! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, ACT LIKE IT!"— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) March 18, 2017
I either peed a little while running, or I sweated enough that it looks like I peed a little.— The Eh Factor 🇨🇦 (@AngelaEhh) March 24, 2017
So the 40's are fun.
Delaying the health care vote today to try to figure out what a woman is. pic.twitter.com/ezu5p4r40A— Full Frontal (@FullFrontalSamB) March 23, 2017
everyone: you need to let it go.— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) March 24, 2017
me: nah i'mma let this stress kill me.
Feeling a lot of kinship with this kid who hung from the jungle gym for all of 3 seconds then screamed, "Look at me, Daddy! I did a sport!"— Rachel Fershleiser (@RachelFersh) March 19, 2017
Adults that get excited about gummy vitamins have clearly never heard of drinking before noon.— Amanda M-W (@Manda_like_wine) March 19, 2017