The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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GROWN UP MATH: If you set your alarm for 8:30 a.m., but press SNOOZE at a rate of 4 slams per min, how many meetings will you sleep through?
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 27, 2017
*dad calls me at work*
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) March 27, 2017
me: "hi?" *thinks some1 died*
dad: COULD U BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD? COULD U BE? IT'S PLAIN 2 SEE
“Yes, I’m here for my meeting with Mike Pence.” pic.twitter.com/WUF9C1wDN8
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) March 30, 2017
being able to eat as much candy as you want is both the best and worst part of being an adult
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) March 30, 2017
Holding onto the hope that most of 2017 has been an April Fool's joke
— Hollis Miller (@missehollis) March 31, 2017
POTUS. Speaker of the House. Secretary of Education. Secretary of Defense. pic.twitter.com/MoDWBDBmt1
— Amanda (@amandapractica) March 27, 2017
if procrastination is an art, i belong in the god damn MoMA
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) March 25, 2017
desperately trying to pretend that carrots are a snack
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) March 30, 2017
i like you, but i'm not sure if i 62-hours-of-game-of-thrones-catch-up-so-we-can-watch-it-together-when-new-episodes-are-back like you
— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) March 30, 2017
"So, how's y'all lil health care bill going?" pic.twitter.com/nfqyyiKNmp
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) March 24, 2017
I'll be 34 in May and sometime in the last year I hit my lifetime capacity for men's bullshit.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) March 24, 2017
My favorite place to cry is Target it's like yeah I'm feeling my feelings but bitch I gotta buy the essentials
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) March 30, 2017
Crayola announced it is retiring the yellow crayon. The same moment, blue hugs green and whispers, "It's gonna be ok. We'll figure it out."
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) March 31, 2017
When you laying in your coffin at your funeral dead and you don't hear your man crying pic.twitter.com/3npZAyo4AF
— Lovita Alizé Jenkins (@xoxoxMinnie) March 28, 2017
"That's crazy!"- Me, not listening to you.
— Queen of the Damned (@Cpt_Burnout) March 24, 2017
void of despair emoji
— roxane gay (@rgay) March 31, 2017
Twitter has made me Anti-Love and Pro-Fuck off.
— Just Jen (@JustJenBlue) March 31, 2017
nothing threatens the sanctity of marriage more than mike pence calling his wife "mother"
— Ziwe (@ziwe) March 30, 2017
if you're a person clapping for trump's "women's empowerment" speech literally what led you to this moment in your life?
— Jessica Samakow (@jsam1126) March 29, 2017
I just used "non sequitur" in a sentence, in case you thought you were the one having a good day
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) March 27, 2017
