The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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*drunk texts boy at 1 a.m.*
*deletes texts in the morning*
me to me: I'm not able to discuss or confirm or deny nature of conversations
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) June 13, 2017
Someone in the ad world realized that by publicly announcing you are pulling your ad you get free publicity.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) June 13, 2017
"This is a secret innuendo being leaked about me and I don't appreciate it!" -Sessions, apparently refusing to say where the cookie tree is
— maura quint (@behindyourback) June 13, 2017
It's easier to justify sleeping ten hours if someone else is doing it right next to you
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) June 14, 2017
trying to explain feminism to women with internalized misogyny pic.twitter.com/49ewf6cpGD
— farwz (@farwzz) June 16, 2017
Mr Sessions, on what date did you officially begin representing the Lollipop Guild
— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) June 13, 2017
Maybe I'm a little old-fashioned but I just can't orgasm until I've won a round of Mario Kart
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) June 14, 2017
If you're getting interviewed in front of a bookshelf, you're probably being upstaged by a bookshelf.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) June 14, 2017
Why are white men so angry? Is there a shortage of cargo shorts? Did New Balance stop selling those all white sneakers? Is golf now illegal?
— Awesomely Luvvie (@Luvvie) June 14, 2017
I'm going home for my high school reunion and I forgot to bring my iPhone charger or have children.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) June 15, 2017
it's a beautiful day to neglect your responsibilities
— Ziwe (@ziwe) June 10, 2017
old twitter vs new twitter pic.twitter.com/Ct4JC3UM5o
— Ellie Sunakawa (@elliesunakawa) June 15, 2017
person: your banana bread is amazing...what's your secret ingredient?
me: depression
— Erica (@SCbchbum) June 15, 2017
I love that my thighs have a healthy, affectionate relationship and kiss up on each other whatever chance they get. Forever honeymooning
— Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs) June 15, 2017
Just sneezed my headphones off and I'm both embarrassed and impressed
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) June 15, 2017
Problem is, spending $13.7 billion at Whole Foods only gets you one slightly used organic gluten free grape.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) June 16, 2017
Senator Kamala of the House Harris, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Congresional Hearings pic.twitter.com/4ixGnfVT8G
— Sarah Lerner (@SarahLerner) June 13, 2017
"That Don't Oppress Me Much" by Sharia Twain
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) June 10, 2017
should it be illegal to make me wear a bra in the summer? idk maybe i think we should at least have the conversation
— Lily Weber (@ell_webz) June 14, 2017
"mother," my children plead, "will you please tell us a bedtime tweet?" i laugh. "another? well, alright, maybe just one more"
— Rachel Stromberg (@stromptious) June 15, 2017