07/07/2017 12:43 AM AEST

7 Fool-Proof Ways To Avoid Head Lice

If expert advice was anything to go by, you think that parents actively want their children to get head lice.

With recommendations that essentially require you to keep your children in isolation for months (just you try convincing them to stand on their own in the playground) you’re fighting an uphill battle.

In fact, let’s all just accept that we’ll spend hours getting acquainted with that tea tree smell - that is unless you’d rather try one of these seven ‘alternative’ methods to stop your child contracting the little pests.

1. Burn their smartphone.

Research warns parents that the rise of smartphones is seeing kids clubbing their heads together (in order to see the screen) and helping the critters move about more quickly. Because children never hung out together before phones...

2. Encourage them to take more selfies.

Funnily enough, although iPad time is allegedly spawning nit infestations left, right and centre, the study also found that taking selfies together doesn’t have the same effect. Okay then... 

3. Forbid them from having friends.

In fact while you’re stopping them from spending any time on shared technology, why not just get rid of friends altogether? Especially the ones they like cuddling. They’re only a ticking nit timebomb.

4. Tell them to avoid the ‘scratchers’. 

Or if you can’t convince them to ditch all their friends, then remind them (in not so subtle terms) to look out for any prolific scalp scratchers. Warning, comes with potential side effect of them paranoid-scratching all day long. 

5. Don’t let them go to school.

In fact it’s probably easier if you just don’t let them leave the house or socialise with anyone until they are eighteen. Better to be safe than sorry.

6. Wrap their head in cling film.

If you decide that you can’t quite stop them from leaving the house, then just coat their hair in a solid layer of tea tree products and wrap them in cling film. They might get some funny looks, but who will be having the last nit-free laugh?

7. Shave their head.

It’s time to go nuclear. 

Or just accept that all children will probably have head lice at some point or another, and it’s just another part of growing up.