23/08/2017 1:19 AM AEST

This Is The Relationship Advice Married Men Want To Give Single Men

Learning to navigate the choppy waters of love and relationships, with only your fellow single friends to ask for advice, can often feel like an impossible task.

So Reddit decided to ask married men for the pearls of wisdom they’d like to share with their unmarried counterparts - and unsurprisingly the thread has been overwhelmed with responses. 

From what you should be looking for in love, to the definition of a ‘soul mate’, here are the things you should remember before putting a ring on it. 

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1. “Life is never full of dates or crazy events happening. Life is 90% downtime, and if you are going to be spending your life with someone then you need someone you can spend downtime with.”


2. “When my brother asked me how I knew if my wife was the one I told him that being around her felt like being alone, but a bit better. For me, even hanging out with some of my best friends can feel a bit draining. With my wife, it always just felt easy. I think that’s love.”


3. “This is the advice I offer to people who have never been in love; being with the right person causes you to randomly blur the line between you and them. I do things for my boyfriend with the same enthusiasm I would do something for myself. It’s like he’s an extension of me, in a way. His accomplishments are mine, my happiness is his, etc.”


4. “When you begin a relationship, you fall in love with this person who seems extraordinary. Over time they begin to seem more ordinary. When that happens, take some time to reflect on what made that person so great in the first place and what has changed since then. Is it just the mundane lifestyle of being with the same person for a long time? If so, change things up. Do something to show that person that they are still the extraordinary person you fell in love with. You don’t have to stop impressing your partner because they are committed to you.”


5. “If you are not willing to be vulnerable to your partner, you are not ready.”


6. “Soul mate is a label that should be earned, not imagined. My wife is my soul mate and it’s not because she physically matches what I’d always imagined my soul mate would look like. She is my soul mate because everything I do and everything I am is better because of her. No matter how many years pass in our marriage, no matter how many ups and downs, successes and failures, no matter what reflection she sees in the mirror, I only see her. The same woman I pledged my life to the day we married. She is still the same woman I fantasise about, and try to seduce constantly. I shit you not - I know this woman is my soul mate because of the man she inspires me to be, if only because of how she loves me. And when I get into bed in the evening, and wake up in the morning - my entire world works because she’s there, sleeping peacefully.”


7. “Enjoy your time. Being married and being single are different and both have their advantages.”


8. “A friend of mine once told me that ‘love isn’t something you feel, it’s something you do’. Feeling love and telling somebody you love them is not enough - you have to show them with your actions.”


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9. “Stop pursuing people more than you pursue your passions. Passionate people are very attractive - regardless of what they look like.”


10. “Find a person that cares about your interests, or at least will genuinely support the things that make you you - even if they are of little interest to them. My wife doesn’t care one bit about softball, but she comes to my games to cheer and support me. It makes me feel so good to have her there.”


11. “Love isn’t that fluttery feeling you get in your stomach when you’re first with somebody. That’s infatuation. Love is what can happen when infatuation wears off. It’s not as overwhelming, but it’s more powerful and constant...and remember that dating is a trial period - if something feels wrong, it probably is and getting out soon is better than wasting time. Being perfect isn’t necessary, but being perfect for each other is.”


12. “Don’t assume the sex will get better, the sex they are giving you now is the best it’s going to get. If it is lacking for you, or you know something about sex [that] you want and they don’t know, it will never happen. And they are never going to decide to like that thing later.”


13. “Be honest. Be brutally fucking honest. Make sure they’re honest with you. When people are dating or trying to get a date, they often slip into saying what they think the other person wants to hear, or presenting a version of themselves they think people want to see. It works in the short term. It’s garbage in the long term. Be honest, find someone who likes honest you, and then you’re golden.”


14. “Realise that at some point in any relationship, you will probably get annoyed/frustrated/angry enough to want to breakup. Relationships should be good nearly all the time, but the idea that you’ll never have a fight that makes both of you cry or maybe even hate each other for a little while is silly. You will feel this way at points. You have to remember that feelings like this are normal. You have to ask yourself whether what you have when it’s good is worth sticking around through the hard times for.”


15. “You dont have to try nearly as hard as you think. If she is the right one for you it should be easy.”


16. “Dating a lot before you marry is important. And it’s not because you need to get an abundance of sex out of your system. Rather it’s learning what you don’t want in a partner. Over time, you realise that you can love all sorts of people, but you can’t love people with specific traits that you can’t endure, traits that may not be apparent to you until a way into the relationship.”


17. “Don’t get married because ‘all your friends’ are getting married. As someone in their mid-twenties I’ve seen plenty of guys and girls get married after dating for a short period of time because they felt society was telling them it was the right thing to do. Needless to say some of them are already divorced because they didn’t date long enough for the honeymoon period to wear off.”


18. “Pick your battles carefully. 90% of the time, whatever the problem is, it isn’t worth fighting over. Just apologise for whatever you may (or may not) have done, get it over with and move on.”


19. “Only marry a girl you have spent a lot of time with, and miss her every time you’re separated.”


20. “My piece of advice is to buy your own tube of toothpaste.”