The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
"Alright, girl. I'm a call you later" - me 20 mins before actually ending a call with my mama.
— Jasmyn Lawson (@JasmynBeKnowing) August 27, 2017
Today is the season finale of my least favourite show, Chloe Attempts To Hold a Conversation About Game of Thrones, Which She's Never Seen.
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) August 28, 2017
I love starting a new week with a nice cup of tea and a few forced deep breaths, staving off the anxiety attack and subsequent vomiting
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) August 28, 2017
"if only," she whispered in her apartment. "if only they taught important things in college, like how to turn on a complicated dishwasher"
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) August 28, 2017
a small child in the grocery store line kept repeating "i am pizza" over and over again and that's how u know he is being raised right
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) August 28, 2017
Me: I ate breakfast this morning.
Overzealous reporter: She looted her own kitchen cabinets.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) August 30, 2017
Any food can be finger food if you’re too lazy to go get a fork.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 28, 2017
currently accepting suggestions for chill (non-murdery pls) cults to join as I am wholly incapable of managing my own life
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) August 30, 2017
I am TIRED of being the bigger person all the time !!!!! I AM TINY !!!!!!!!
— farwz (@farwzz) September 1, 2017
i pray that if this country has a future, in that future we refer to boring couples who think they're interesting/important as "javankas"
— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) August 30, 2017
"I have decided to pivot to video." --me breaking up with someone
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) September 1, 2017
The only all-female reboot I need is the one of this presidency.
— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) September 1, 2017
[Gets soccer schedule, 8am Saturday games]
*Tells junior he didn't make the team*
— she's unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) September 1, 2017
if you tell Dominos you're crying on the kitchen floor they give you a 10% discount
— Audrey Porne (@AudreyPorne) September 1, 2017
I just have one thing to say to all those people who picked me last for their team in gym class: good call, I'm really very bad at sports.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 30, 2017