The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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Took off my bra and forgot what I was mad about
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 18, 2017
if your tweetstorm nears 100 the app should automatically alert any remaining friends to come get you
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) September 18, 2017
Looks like the most popular Halloween costume this year will be "Slutty Nuclear War With North Korea."
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) September 19, 2017
my dad once said "do what you hate first thing in the morning to get it out of the way" then 2 mos later called me on my birthday at 6am
— Ariana Lenarsky (@aardvarsk) September 18, 2017
Sean Spicer is joining the paid speaking circuit where he spreads info to people? That is exactly the thing he is worst at.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 18, 2017
Me: Imma buy the iPhone X, Forget the 8.
My bank account: pic.twitter.com/JN858KaBQx
— Jasmyn Lawson (@JasmynBeKnowing) September 19, 2017
Just realized Gotham has no plan for signalling Batman if there's a daytime emergency.
— Kate Sidley (@sidleykate) September 19, 2017
On the phone, on hold, and the wait music is Adele's Hello. 😒Really?! Had me talking back to her like "hello, yes I can hear you."Lol 🤦🏿♂️
— Danielle Brooks (@thedanieb) September 21, 2017
Me at 9pm: I should go to bed early
Me at 3am: pic.twitter.com/TVW766fJRj
— Kasey D. (@_kxsxy) September 20, 2017
How confused about the world are you right now, on a scale of 0 to "trying to figure out a friend's shower"
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) September 19, 2017
I heard Kim Jong-Un would prefer to be called the "Space Cowboy"
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) September 19, 2017
When the staff meeting is about to end and that one co-worker raises their hand with a question pic.twitter.com/n3Mu9kE355
— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) September 20, 2017
hey it's me, your friend who ignores everything going on in the group text and then chimes in every six days with a single "omg"
— Ashley Fetters (@AshleyFetters) September 18, 2017
FYI, iPhone autocorrect, "ducking" is never a word I intend to use.
— Kate Palmer (@katepalms) September 20, 2017
Career low: an 8th grader asks to interview you for a school project, you say yes and then the "production team" choose "another direction" pic.twitter.com/7uZxgwMzxz
— Mona Chalabi (@MonaChalabi) September 20, 2017
Welcome to adulthood. Did you take your pill? Why did you walk in here? Who can remember? So much fun!
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) September 18, 2017
the iphone 8 will have a glass front AND back. in other news, i'll be increasing my dosage of xanax.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) September 18, 2017
I volunteer as tribute pic.twitter.com/8Osq1teGWZ
— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) September 21, 2017
Let's call super-skinny jeans for dudes "girlfriend jeans" since roomy button-downs for women are called "boyfriend shirts"
— Christy Havranek (@diopter) September 21, 2017
If you do not emerge, gasping for air, having glimpsed the abyss and its despair, you did not correctly pull that turtleneck over your head.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 21, 2017