Based on the promos for this episode we were promised a lot of drama from the latest episode of 'The Bachelorette' and, well, there was a lot of SOMETHING.
For Sophie's second single date she picked Luke for one reason, "he's hot". Sophie is so relatable it's actually frightening.
As Luke approached Sophie she was surrounded by little sand castles, like some kind of beach monarch. Each sand castle had a question hidden in it like "what's your grossest habit?" or "what do you wear to bed?". The first question Sophie uncovered was "when did you lose your virginity?".
You know, casual first date stuff.
They had a chat about Sophie's potty mouth and how English is her second language after fluent swearing before she asked him for a few surfing lessons. Luke gave Sophie the basics and then she grabbed a giant inflatable suit and introduced him to "sumo surfing".
Suddenly, the unthinkable happened.
As Sophie and Luke walked up toward the feelings couch (the couch every single date ends on where the couple have to talk about their feelings), they grabbed the cheese plate and THE TWO OF THEM ACTUALLY ATE FROM IT?
It is a longstanding fact, almost a tradition, that the cheese plates on every season of 'The Bachelor'/'Bachelorette' go untouched. Not this season though. Sophie Monk, truly a bachelorette of the people.
Not only did they smash through some of the cheese but Luke and Sophie talked about their feelings (see, feeling couches work!) before the two took a trip to pash town.
Back at the house, before it was time for the group date Jarrod was letting some of the other guys know his feelings for his long-term girlfriend Sophie who no one else is dating except Jarrod
The group date started with a little bit of a twist with the two drivers turning out to be Sophie's parents.
In mum's car the boys including Mackane and Jarrod discussed things like how beautiful Sophie's eyes are. In dad's car Uncle Sam talked about explosions, lust and pashing Sophie. Awkward.
In stage two of Sophie's great caper her sister went undercover as an "art analyst" who planned to probe the boys (steady on) with deep questions as they did scribble drawings of trees.
At one point her sister had a bee in her wig!
The boys then had time alone with "Ellen" the "art analyst" where they spoke about their feelings, a few of them really opened up, especially Ryan.
When it was time for the big reveal the boys lost their minds but ultimately nothing really happened other than Ryan scoring some alone time. Since the first night that Ryan really gunned for Sophie's attention he's settled down a lot.
During their chat, Ryan listed the qualities he looks for in a woman like dressing well, keeping fit and – of course – not swearing. It didn't go down great, in fact this is the face Sophie made mid-conversation:
Ryan also went in for a kiss and got the same kind of peck you usually reserve for an uncle that always smells like pickled beef. It was incredibly awkward.
Ok then we got to the cocktail party which, like a birthday cake, was fully lit. Uncle Sam and Jarrod had been taking potshots at each other all episode. It all started to come to a boil when Sam chatted to Sophie alone and she confronted him for screaming about her breasts last episode, meanwhile Jarrod cornered Bingham (like the cup), and had a rant about Sam's "bumfluff".
Jarrod took Uncle Sam aside and asked if they could have a chat on a feelings couch. "Obviously we live in a mansion and there are whispers," Sam said without a shred of irony. Again, it was very, very awkward.
At the rose ceremony it was announced of the 14 remaining bachelors only 11 would receive a rose. The announcement sent shockwaves through the house, especially through the dudes that have had about six seconds of screen time.
Despite all the drama surrounding Uncle Sam, Jarrod and Ryan, the producers probably said keep the drama queens so Andy, Mike and Tony were sent packing.
JUST KIDDING, those were made up names! It was Ethan, Jefferson and some guy named Pete (???) who didn't receive roses, but they barely even spoke this episode so it just goes to show how memorable they were.
As a bonus this week can we discuss how weird it is no one seems to be talking about the stuffed sloth Bingham (like the cup) seems to be enamoured with?