Jennifer Frappier froze her eggs when she was 36. A few years later, she was still single and thinking seriously about using them to become a single parent. She prepared to buy a house with an unused wedding fund and started browsing sperm donors. She figured she wouldnât have time for dating as a single mom, so she joined Tinder just for fun.
âI thought, Iâm going to go on basically my last few dates and get to know people and have fun,â she said. âMaybe if I date with no pressure or expectations, I wonât be so disappointed. It was very freeing.â
And then something completely unexpected happened: She met someone almost immediately.
Frappierâs experience isnât unique. Sheâs one of several women who told HuffPost that freezing their eggs changed their dating lives for the better. One dated people who enriched her life but who she never would have considered had she not already secured her access to motherhood. Another felt a weight lift from her existing relationship that she hadnât even realized was there. All of the women HuffPost spoke to reported feeling a new sense of boldness and levity in their dating lives after freezing their eggs, unburdened of the pressure to settle down and fast. Read on for their stories.
âWe Talked About It On The First Dateâ
Frappier, 41, documented her egg freezing journey in her 2016 documentary âChill.â While dating around casually, she often wrestled with how to approach the topic with the men she was meeting.
âItâs not like you want to hide it, but you also donât want to suggest you have baby fever,â she said. She also discovered a âfine line between educating someone about egg freezing and the date becoming a biology lesson.â
After a new relationship suddenly ended when a guy read about Frappierâs documentary online, she resolved to be open with new partners from the start. So it went with her now-husband, Ari Schneider.
âWe talked about it on the first date. He wasnât taken aback by it. He told me heâd recently been thinking he wanted to be a parent but just wasnât sure it was going to happen for him,â she said.
Frappier and Schneider married in March 2018. Theyâre expecting their first child, which they conceived naturally, next March. She said they didnât just connect over a shared desire to become parents, but also because of their mutual willingness to be so vulnerable on a first date.
âWeâre both pretty open and vulnerable. I think easier for women to talk about stuff like children, so I was actually surprised he shared that story,â she said. âThat vulnerability is one of the top things Iâm attracted to in him.â
âI Felt Liberated From The Oppression Of The Ticking Time Bombâ
MeiMei Fox met her husband six months after freezing her eggs. They married six months after that. Now, they have 3-year-old twin boys. But before she froze her eggs, Fox says she was âsingle and desperate to have kids of my own,â which made for an unsuccessful and even more unfulfilling dating life.
âI was one of those ladies who asked guys on the first date if they wanted to have kids and if they didnât seem certain, I ended it right away,â she told HuffPost. âThat kind of pressure and intensity donât play well in the dating world, nor was that approach healthy for me.â
Fox says she was âkeenly awareâ of how her desire to have children with a partner â and soon â was impacting her romantic life. But she was nonetheless âsurprised at how dramatic and instantaneous the change wasâ after sheâd frozen her eggs.
âThe moment I froze my eggs, I felt liberated from the oppression of the ticking time bomb that is fertility,â she said.
âIt was as though I reverted at once to a younger, freewheeling, happier version of myself. I relaxed. I could actually enjoy dating,â she added. âI ended up meeting lots of people ... and six months later, I connected with the love of my life.â
Fox lost all 18 of her frozen eggs when they were being shipped from San Francisco to Los Angeles, where her husband lived. The couple went through three rounds of in vitro fertilization before she became pregnant with their twins. But she still credits the steps she took to ensure she could have biological children with or without a partner with putting her in the mindset to meet the right person.
âEgg freezing isnât a perfect technology and certainly no guarantee,â Fox said. âBut I do still feel it was worthwhile for me for the psychological benefits I gained.â
âI No Longer Cared About What Men Thought About Meâ
Actor and comedian Molly Hawkey froze her eggs at 37. Now 40, sheâs begun the process of using the eggs to become a parent on her own. She documents the experience on her podcast âSpermcast,â where she interviews potential sperm donors and navigates the emotional terrain of choosing to become a single parent.
Prior to freezing her eggs, Hawkey said sheâd âbeen on the hunt for a package dealâ and found herself looking for qualities she wanted in the father of her future children during every first date.
âI had no interest in wasting time with a mediocre fella. As you can imagine, that didnât work out too well,â she said. âIf we made it to the two-month mark and werenât madly in love yet? Iâd kick âem to the curb.â
But after sheâd frozen her eggs, something âmagically unexpected happened.â The pressure to find a suitable co-parent lifted away, and Hawkey found herself embracing a surprisingly carefree approach to casual dating.
âI was able to chill out, have fun and be my authentic self for the first time in my life,â she said. âI no longer cared what men thought about me, and it was liberating.â
She felt âmagnetic,â more present and more open to possibility in her dating life in general. In her attempts to date casually before freezing her eggs, she suspected sheâd âsubconsciously pressured men about fatherhoodâ without even realizing it.
âAfter, I could get to know a guy for who he really was without wondering what kind of dad he would be or if our kids would be cute,â she said. âI even grew to deeply care about someone I never would have stuck with had I not frozen my eggs. Things didnât end up working out for us, but the experience I had with him was worth it.â
âIâm Cutting Through The Weeds, And Iâm Not Scared To Say What I Wantâ
Valerie Landis has no intention of using her frozen eggs without a partner. She first froze them when she was 33 after ending a four-year relationship. Armed with the assurance that she no longer had to rush to settle in order to have a family. She experienced a new wave of confidence in her dating life.
âYou have this aura or something youâre giving off,â she told HuffPost. âOr youâre just more desirable because youâre on this high. I met somebody and it was a whirlwind fairy tale.â
Landis specifically froze her eggs to buy her time to find a partner, not as an insurance policy in case she doesnât. Back in the dating scene, she is upfront about her desire for marriage and family when going on dates, which she says intimidates the men she meets.
âFreezing my eggs has made me not afraid to ask the really tough questions. Iâm cutting through the weeds, and Iâm not scared to say what I want,â she said. âI canât tell you how many times Iâve had to pivot to someone else after those conversations.â
Landis documents her egg freezing journey online, and many of her dates are acquainted with her eagerness to be a mother before they even meet her.
âIâve gone on dates and in the first five minutes theyâre like, are you a raging feminist? You have all this egg freezing stuff online,â she said.
Increasingly discouraged by the modern dating environment, Landis anticipates her singlehood will outlast her fertility â she decided to freeze her eggs again in 2017. She points to the nature of modern courtship â specifically how long it can take for a relationship to move from one step to another â as the strongest evidence she will likely need to use them.
âI want to do it with a partner, I donât want to do this alone,â she said. âMy poor grandma, sheâs always like, âWhy are you such a spinster? Why donât you find a nice guy and settle down?â Oh, Grandma, if you only knew. I wish I could.â
âI Feel Like Iâm In My 20s Againâ
Dr. Lisa Ashe, 38, froze her eggs two years ago. A busy doctor with her own practice in Washington, D.C., she wanted to buy some time so she could get through her lengthy bucket list before having children. She wasnât seeing anyone at the time, and began to consider the possibility that she might not find a partner when she eventually was ready to become a mother.
âI froze my eggs because I want to have a child, and my desire to be a mother has outweighed my desire to be a wife,â she told HuffPost.
Since freezing her eggs, she said that overall she feels âmore positive and less pressuredâ about dating. That relief has allowed her to enjoy her dating life without expectations.
âI kind of feel like Iâm in my 20s again. Iâm like, if it works out, it works out â if it doesnât, it doesnât,â she said. âThereâs less pressure, so when I do go out with someone, itâs just a relaxed time.â
Her motherâs death last year illuminated just how much she wanted to accomplish before she commits herself to anyone for a lifetime, whether it be a child or a partner.
âI feel like I donât have to settle or just pick someone now. I can actually travel the world before worrying about pairing up with someone,â she said. âIt takes that anxiousness away.â
âThe Pressure Is Offâ
Angella Nguyen, 38, froze her eggs in February when she finally had the time to devote to the process. A startup founder between jobs, she knew how rigorous her workload could become. She was already in a serious relationship and was less concerned about finding a partner to parent with than with giving herself the option to delay motherhood while she pursues her career goals.
âI wasnât tapping my foot like, âWhen are you going to impregnate me?â It was more that neither of us are at that point in our lives careerwise or personally,â she said. âI didnât make the decision because of him, but he was definitely a supportive factor for me.â
Nguyen didnât freeze her eggs to give her more time to find the right person, but she said doing so has improved her relationship in ways she didnât expect.
âTo be perfectly honest, the pressure is off,â she said. âMy passive-aggressiveness even in my relationship has lessened. It would always be this question, âWhen, when, when?â And I donât have it so much anymore.â