LIFE
27/04/2019 3:00 PM AEST

All The Ways Porn Lied To You, According To Actual Porn Stars

Isabella Carapella/HuffPost
If you're looking to pornography for sexual education, you're not going to learn much.

Everyone remembers the first time they encountered porn: Maybe it was a quick, covert Google search that led you to a grainy, pixelated clip that took forever to load. Or maybe a friend’s brother lent you a copy of Playboy, which you and your friends passed around like a prized, definitely overused possession. 

For porn star Kelley Cabbana, it was a copy of Penthouse magazine that lured her in, then some actual porn tapes. 

Like many of whose intro to sex was via porn, thebut  actress couldn’t get over how easy the actors made it all look.

“The women were so beautiful and every position they did was completely perfect,” she said. “They even made blow jobs look easy; the women would swallow like they were eating the best ice cream on the planet.”

Now, after 10 years working in the adult film industry, Cabbana can confirm that those performances are all pretty much a fluffer-filled fantasy. 

“I can tell you, I was lied to!” she said. “I have yet to see flawless, no-stretch-mark bodies or skin that’s totally perfect.” 

Same goes for those crazy Cirque du Soleil-esque sex positions ― they just don’t tend to happen in real life. To find out what else is exaggerated in porn ― and what actually happens behinds the scenes ― we talked to Cabbana and other adult film stars. Here’s what they had to say:

1. Huge penises are not the norm.

“The world average penis size is about 6 inches, but in porn, it’s often over 8 or 9. Funnily enough, I often forget that that’s the case and am almost surprised if I meet a guy with an average penis size. In porn, even I could potentially feel inadequate, but I very quickly remind myself that the actors are often chosen for their large ‘talents’ more than for their pretty faces or acting skills. I’m not sure how the general public feels about themselves if they only see very hung guys, but I hope they, too, remember that porn is simply a fantasy.” ―Theo Ford, an adult film performer who’s been in the industry for six years

2. Most women aren’t as loud and scream-y as they are in porn. 

“Loud orgasms are definitely exaggerated. I haven’t screamed, yelled and ‘put on a show’ since I was 18 and trying to mimic porn videos. No one is that loud and dramatic.” ―Lindsey Leigh, an adult film performer who’s been in the industry for 11 years

3. Anal sex is almost never spontaneous.

“There is a lot of prep that goes into doing an anal scene. No adult film actress wakes up one morning (or afternoon) and says, ‘I’m going to do anal today!’  You have to literally change your diet (if you haven’t already), take a mixture of laxatives and anti-diarrhea medication to clean you out and then stop your bowels from moving. Then you have to clean yourself out the day of the shoot and most of all, prep yourself with lots of lube that the camera almost never shows. A lot of the porn that I watch makes it look like the couple just spontaneously decided to stick it in there. They didn’t. The girl most likely had to prep the entire day before.” ― Ember Snow, an adult film performer for two years 

4. Not all gay porn stars are gay.

“Gay porn sometimes exaggerates the sexuality of the actors ― a good amount of gay porn models are straight and use straight porn on set to get hard to perform. Oh, and the romance and connection angle you see in porn plots tends to be exaggerated in gay porn. (Straight porn content is marketed as more rough and physical.) That detail might be why gay porn attracts more female viewers than one would think.” Pierce Paris, an adult film performer who’s been in the industry for two years

5. Acting in porn is exhausting work, just like any job. (And no, porn stars aren’t horny all the time.)

“Porn actors spend hours in the same position to get the shot. You are sore after hours of filming. Being on set, it’s hot and your makeup runs and you get sweaty fast. You work long days and long hours filming to create a 15-minute clip of pure perfection. There are techniques to blow jobs that you learn; it’s not just sucking on a lollipop. The time you spend shooting the same scene over and over truly does happen and you will go home with your jaw sore from sucking and using every inch of your tongue on the scene. But the funniest misconception is that porn stars are always horny and down to fuck. There are days you have no interest in sex, it does happen, and if not careful, your partner won’t understand why either. We are real people with real lives just like everyone else.” ―Kelley Cabbana, an adult film performer who’s been in the industry for 10 years

6. Big butts in porn usually aren’t as big as they appear. 

“A lot of people think you have to be very curvy to be in porn, with a nice round bum, but nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, you are often encouraged to be as small as possible and let the camera do the rest. I personally feel this is partially why you don’t see as much BBW (big beautiful women) porn being circulated online; it’s a known fact that companies don’t cast big girls too often. With super-wide-angle lenses to stretch out your posterior, who needs a Brazilian butt lift? You can just fake the bum you’ve always wanted, no surgery needed! ... The angles captured on smaller women are so damn good and seem out of this world, which is true in a way.” ― Jade Jordan, an indie adult film performer who’s been in the industry for four years

7. A lot of those crazy positions don’t happen IRL, and extreme squirting is pretty rare, too. 

“In my 10 years of having sex before porn, I never once did the standing missionary (where the girl has one leg on the ground and one leg over the guy’s shoulder), pile driver or reverse cowgirl. A lot of girls squirt, but not all of them do like you see in your typical squirting scene (where girls squirt from the bed to across the hallway into another girl’s mouth). I love the absurdity of most scenarios, though. Porn is this fantasy world where all your sister’s hot friends are always DTF and so are the girls at work, college and the beach. Everybody gets laid!” ―Whitney Wright, an adult film performer who’s been in the business for two and a half years 

8. Off-screen, trans adult entertainers aren’t necessarily as dominant as they appear in porn. 

“As a trans woman of color, I’m usually playing the police officer or the dominatrix out to chain you up and have my way with you. I was the girl on top.  I remember one of my Honey Bees (my fans) saying that I am taking over the world, one ass at a time. In reality, my life is the complete opposite. I am a shy, introverted person with serious social anxiety. My sex life outside of the industry couldn’t be further from my character. I am totally submissive and prefer to be on bottom. Yet that just doesn’t sell in the trans industry. They expect the girls to be dominant and prefer a girl that can get hard and cum. When you are on hormones, though, that can be nearly impossible. Unfortunately, for most trans women, that can be the make-or-break point in the business.” ―Amaya Jade, formerly known as Honey FoXXX, a photographer who was an adult entertainer for 11 years

“Oftentimes, porn is the only interaction people have with trans women, so they try to pick up cues about how to treat trans women in real life. When even a progressive site like Kink.com uses terms like “TS Pussyhunters” or “TS Seduction,” it feeds into the bathroom-predator stereotypes of trans women who want to trick or seduce any cis men and hunt for cis women for partners. There’s a place for that kind of porn, but when representation is limited, stereotypes get perpetuated.” ―Chelsea Poe, a porn filmmaker and performer who’s been in the adult industry for roughly seven years

9. Porn stars aren’t just naturally blessed with those bodies. 

“Nope, our bodies aren’t perfect and ripped all the time. Most male talent use gym enhancements and spend most of their free time in the gym.” ―LukeLongly, an indie porn producer and actor who’s been in the industry since 2003

10. Not all porn is over-the-top and not all of it objectifies women.

“In the same way that we don’t live our day-to-day lives in a fantasy film like ‘Harry Potter’ or ‘The Avengers,’ we also don’t have sex in the way we see depicted in a fantastical porn. There’s also a lot of porn to choose from: As with any media, if you feel that the films you are watching are sexist or oppressive or not inspiring or exciting or something that you are connecting with, then change the channel, document your own experiences, pick up the camera, seek ethical, feminist, sex-positive media (porn or otherwise), purchase feminist porn and media, and vote with your dollar. There is a rich plethora of erotic films that ARE being created by powerhouse feminist filmmakers. They’re taking control of the narrative and modeling safer sex, communication, negotiation, active and enthusiastic consent, and body positivity.” ― Madison Young, author of “The DIY Porn Handbook: Documenting Our Own Sexual Revolution” and a feminist pornographer and performer of 17 years

11. Lastly? Those crazy cum shots can definitely be exaggerated. 

“I have seen multiple companies use little syringes and a long tube filled with fake cum lube, like SPUNK Lube. Then, when it comes time to film the magic shot, they have someone controlling the syringe squirt it out ... sometimes it takes a few tries.” — Aubrey Kate, an adult film performer 

Sex Ed for Grown-Ups is a series tackling everything you didn’t learn about sex in school — beyond the birds and the bees. Keep checking back for more expert-based articles and personal stories.