This Saturday is Talk Like a Pirate Day. International Talk Like a Pirate Day.
Just in case you spend 364 days a year resisting the urge to place a parrot on your shoulder and imitate those who commit acts of criminal violence at sea -- here's a 24-hour window when that all make perfect sense. Me hearties.
But if dedicating a day to piratespeak sounds silly, a quick peek through your eyepatch at www.daysoftheyear.com makes it appear positively highbrow in comparison to some of the other weird celebrations, all of which are legit, despite sounding like someone made them up on Make Up A Weird Day Of The Year Day.
January kicks off with Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day, Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day, Inane Answering Message Day, Appreciate a Dragon Day, Rubber Ducky Day, Handwriting Day and, my personal favourite, Answer Your Cat's Questions Day, which would no doubt be along the lines of 'if I was allowed to poop on the newspaper all those years why can't I let one loose on your iPad?'
January 25 is Opposite Day, which should probably be celebrated at night, followed closely by Data Privacy Day, although I couldn't find much information on that.
February, March and April include Proof Reeding Day, (well spotted), Weed Appreciation Day, (no, not that kind of weed, though it might explain the previous spelling mistake), Morse Code Day (which falls on --/--/--) Hedgehog Day, Read in the Bathtub Day and Tell a Fairy Tale Day, which usually ends happily ever after.
May and June's highlights include Ukelele Day, Juggling Day, Leave the Office Early Day and, best of all, Columnists Day, which in my editor's opinion is too long and should be cut around midday.
In July alone there is Don't Step on a Bee Day, Uncommon Instrument Awareness Day, Cow Appreciation Day and - hear ye, hear ye - Town Crier Day. Other jolly July celebrations are strangely in conflict with each other. July 3 is Stay Out of the Sun Day, meaning you'll burn much more easily a mere 48 hours later when you embrace Bikini Day.
Sometimes there are two Days in one and it would be difficult to celebrate both. For example, July 7 is Tell the Truth Day and Forgiveness Day, when you could be pardoned for lying despite not having done so.
August is the month for Bad Poetry Day (which should fall in May), September hosts Equal Pay Day, which I took off but my colleague Rosie covered for me because she needed the money, while in October there's CAPS LOCK DAY, WHICH HAS A VERY EMPHATIC FOLLOWING.
November hosts Cliché Day, which is always a rollercoaster of emotions. And then in December there's Cat Herders Day, which celebrates multi-tasking, something we all do around Christmas.
Christmas? When the hell's that again? Oh, that's right, December 25. Just five days before International Bacon Day, which, sorry JC, is my favourite day of the year.
Merry marauding, me hearties! Don't get hooked.