25 Things I Thought On Safari

Including OMG, should we really be this close?!
Richard from Matoke tours in Uganda.
Richard from Matoke tours in Uganda.
  1. We're off on safari, bring out the animals!
  2. This van is so dusty, when did they last clean it out?
  1. What was that? Can I hear a clunking noise, please don't break down in the middle of the park.
  1. Is that a lion's ear I can see flickering up ahead, or just a blade of grass?
  2. Is that a giraffe off in the distance? No wait it's just a tree.
  3. I can see a giraffe, I can see a giraffe, I can see a giraffe!
  4. Can we get closer to the giraffe?
  1. Where did the giraffe go?
  1. Could a lion or a cheetah get its paw through that opening in the top of our van?
  1. I really wish I could understand Swahili so I could listen to what's being said over the CB.
  1. Is that seriously a mobile phone tower, in the middle of the Masai Mara, disguised as a tree?
  1. Where are all the lions?
  1. Why have all those vans stopped? Please let it be a lion.
  1. What are all these people looking at? Where am I meant to be looking?
  1. Wait, I see something, what is it? Is it a Cheetah? Put your head back up. It's a cheetah!
  • Do you think they grade the roads in here? I think they need to.
  • You can't be serious, we're not going to try and go down there. Is that even a road? Would it be better if I got out and walked?
    1. Where are all the animals? Why aren't they out there in the open where I can see them?
    1. I'm getting very sleepy. Would it be wrong to have a nap here? Will anyone notice if I close my eyes for a few minutes?
    1. I think I see something. It's a lion. Wait, no it's not, it's just a termite mound.
    1. How can a rhinoceros hide in a savannah? Shouldn't they be pretty easy to spot?
    1. There's a lion, I can see it. Whoa, it's big.
    1. Damn that's a big set of teeth, should we really be this close?
    2. Great, it's started roaring, is it trying to warn us to get away? Seriously, should we really be so close?
    25. Oh, it's ok, it's lying back down. Now how am I going to photograph it?