The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
My gyno told me that in her 20 yrs of practice, I have the strongest pelvic floor she’s ever seen so if you feel a shift in energy when I enter the room it’s cos this is the level of confidence I’m walking with now.
— Camilla Blackett (@camillard) June 16, 2020
If you're wondering who the dumbest person in the world is, I put latte mug of tea in the microwave, but the mug was too tall, so I poured some tea out and tried to put the mug back in.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) June 18, 2020
NO your email did NOT find me well, it found me ravaged with STRESS AND THE EFFECTS OF TIME
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 15, 2020
i have also thought i was poisoned at shake shack only to remember i am, in fact, lactose intolerant
— ziwe (@ziwe) June 16, 2020
Marriage during a pandemic is just taking turns muting and yelling "I'M ON A ZOOM" throughout a day.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) June 16, 2020
I will “no worries if not!” people into the fcking ground
— 𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 (@spinubzilla) June 16, 2020
This lady and her 15 friends tested positive for COVID after a girls' night out.
— Morgan Jerkins (@MorganJerkins) June 17, 2020
This is terrible of course.
But the bigger question is who the hell has 15 friends?
honestly worst purchase of 2020 was a 2020 planner
— dumpster baby (@laurenrosaaa) June 15, 2020
I will either respond to your email immediately or three years from now
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) June 16, 2020
black women: we are sad, frustrated, hurt, exhausted—
— Ayo Edebiri (@ayoedebiri) June 13, 2020
white women: okay so what I’m hearing is you’re mad at me 🥺😔
thinking abt the very large bottle of fireball whisky in the bottom drawer of my desk at work, wondering if it misses me too
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) June 15, 2020
being attracted to men is so embarrassing but someone’s gotta do it
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) June 17, 2020
technically a pool noodle is a bucatini
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) June 15, 2020
i don’t have any hobbies but i do like reading customer reviews of indian cookbooks where white people complain about the dishes being too spicy
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) June 15, 2020
canadians be like 𝑧𝑒𝑑 and then shovel snow
— sofie halili (@literallysofie) June 16, 2020
A girl I went to high school with just announced that she’s a grandmother, and my right hip disintegrated.
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) June 16, 2020
At this point, I've basically got a Zoom prop bag sitting next to my laptop. It's got a bra, hoodie, lip stick, head scarf, brow definer, hoops, etc. depending on "who all gone be on there."
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) June 16, 2020
Just realized there has never been an easier time for teenagers to buy beer with a fake ID. “Oh that doesn’t look like me? Really? You can tell just from the eyes? No I will NOT take my mask off.”
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) June 18, 2020
“Tomorrow is another day” used to be something people said to encourage each other but now it kind of just feels like a threat.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 14, 2020
Shoutout to the useless people who start 10 Words with Friends games then forget to log in for a week.
— Luvvie is writing book 2 (@Luvvie) June 17, 2020
Me. I am useless people.
😂😂😂