Funny Tweets About The Lies Kids Tell

My 8yo just tried to convince me that there's sugar all over his mouth because he tripped and landed on a donut.

— JennyPentland GED (@JennyPentland) April 16, 2014

Me: What happened to Ken?

5-year-old daughter: Zombies. pic.twitter.com/frJHM6MZPc

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2015

I just caught my son lying to me. I made him promise to never lie to me ever again. He swore that he wouldn't. I'm pretty sure that's a lie.

— Adam Mordecai (@advodude) January 21, 2014

Favorite lie told by my kids:

I cleaned my room but don't go in there yet.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 13, 2016

I asked my 4 yo if she’s ever lied to me, and she says, “Only occasionally.” 😩😩😩

— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) November 2, 2020

"I emailed the teacher but haven't heard back" is the new "my dog ate my homework."

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 19, 2021

72% of parenting is asking kids how something got broken...and then listening to them lie about it.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 6, 2018

My kids, in a last-minute desperate attempt, tried to convince me that the dentist was located in Toys R Us.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) May 11, 2015

I'd like to recognize my son for his groundbreaking work in the field of Retroactive Truths. Yesterday I scolded him for lying about picking up his dirty clothes; this morning after tossing them in the hamper he ran up in my face and yelled, "See?!? I TOLD YOU I put them away!"

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 1, 2020

My kids have been blatantly lying to me all day and then yelling APRIL FOOLS.

As opposed to other days where they just lie.

— The Dad (@thedad) April 1, 2017

I get why it’s important for kids to use their imagination but they be lying for no reason.

My 5 yr old randomly told me he played for the Lakers in 1997.

All I said was “you’re getting so tall”and that was his response.😭😂🤣

— Coach P (@CoachPSays) January 31, 2021

My kids tried to convince me today is Sunday.

50 days into quarantine and it almost worked.

— Becky Too Many Kids, Send Help (@beckyhas4kids) May 2, 2020

My 5-year-old says she didn't do anything bad with the scissors I caught her with last week.

The latest load of laundry says: That was a lie. pic.twitter.com/sEa1AH7SdY

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 29, 2020

My son lying to his little sister so she isn’t sad about a movie ending reminds me this year has brought them so much closer together and also kids will lie about anything

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) October 22, 2020

NYE Awakeness Report
9pm:10yo asleep
945pm: I dozed during movie
10pm:8yo lied about not dozing during movie
Now:Husband rolling eyes at us

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) January 1, 2016

Kid tried to convince me he's allergic to church and can't go.

I'm just jealous I didn't think of it first.

— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) April 27, 2014

Therapist: And what do you say when the kids lie to you?

Me: Can’t trust no bitch

Therapist: I would’ve also accepted “Fuck these kids,” but sure ok

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) August 4, 2020

5 year old told me he caught a bee with his bare hands. I know he's lying. He knows he's lying. But we're pretending this crap is real.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) March 8, 2016

My toddler tried to convince me she lost a tooth and needed money from the tooth fairy.

I just hope that when she does start losing teeth she’ll still accept chocolate money.

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) July 17, 2019

4yo lied about being "done" and then pooped on my hand. There's that prestige I was looking for.

— SnuggleMummy (@NinsMum) February 10, 2015

My son tried to convince me that he wasn't tired. Once he actually laid down, he slept for 2 hours.

— Shannon Kooistra (@SunnyShannon) June 19, 2009

Me: Your preschool teacher said she caught you lying.

4-year-old: I’m sorry.

Me: I taught you to lie better than that.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 22, 2015

My son tried to convince me that today was a snow day and school was cancelled...hopefully he marries well.

— Crazy Stalker Mom (@texasstalkermom) August 26, 2014

My 3yo daughter tried to convince me that George Washington was her great grandfather. I think she was hoping I would give her the dollar.

— BeDifferentActNormal (@lorieblogs) August 17, 2011

My 3 year old tried to convince me that he injured his knee and it needed popcorn.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) December 11, 2017