Parenting is all about unconditional love, nurturing and family values. But it also involves a fair bit of bribery, wine and white lies.
Fortunately the hilarious parents of Twitter are open about the times they, er, stretch the truth with their kids. We’ve rounded up 35 funny tweets about the lies parents tell their kids. Enjoy!
Parents are allowed to be hypocrites. For example, I tell my kids it's wrong to lie AND that Baby Shark was destroyed in a fire at the internet factory— The Dad (@thedad) April 11, 2019
I just wanted five minutes to drink my coffee so I sent my kid in the other room to look for a toy that’s in my pocket.— 👻 Haunt the Nanny 👻 (@not_thenanny) May 20, 2020
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It's weird how we tell kids not to lie then tell them how good the picture they drew is.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 15, 2016
Two months until Christmas and I’m already running out of lies to tell my kids about the Amazon packages showing up— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 24, 2018
Kids: ooh! What is it?
Me: I think daddy ordered a tool for his deck project...BORING lol
[Husband walks in] what’s up?
Me: Not much, I need you to build a deck
Of all the lies I tell my kids, "I can see it from here" is my favorite.— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) March 21, 2017
Don’t judge other parents for lying to their kids unless you plan on telling your own child their drawing of a “rocket” looks like a flaming space dildo.— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) May 20, 2020
Common Parent Lies: "There's no more." "That's hot/spicy." "Everyone is sleeping." "Go hide, I'll come find you."— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) May 31, 2012
I tell my kids they can be anything they want when they grow up b/c it’s important to for them to get used to hearing lies at any early age.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 27, 2013
Heard another parent tell their kid that when the ice cream truck plays its jingle— The Dad (@thedad) May 18, 2019
it means they’ve sold out of ice cream. Using that now.
Having you guys as kids is Father's Day gift enough.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 11, 2015
- lies dads tell their children
"I'm letting you win," is just one of the many lies I tell my kids.— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) August 13, 2013
My friend tells her kids that her engine won’t start until her car hears their seatbelts go click and now I’m curious what other cute lies parents tell.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 24, 2020
The most creative lies I tell as a parent come from when my kids discover their artwork in the trash can.— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) August 30, 2020
Lies I tell my kid: Running is the root of all evil.— CurrentlyCaprece (@MommieKnwsFresh) August 10, 2015
“No, we don’t lick people” and other lies we tell our kids.— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) March 10, 2019
Someday I'll tell my kids I smoked pot in college but lie about smoking cigarettes.— Nicole Leigh Shaw (@NicoleLeighShaw) December 27, 2012
I don’t make the rules… Wait. Yes. I do. Hey. HEY. I MAKE THE RULES!! -lies I tell my kids.— Courtney (@Discourt) February 15, 2014
My toddler thinks that you have to line your tummy with good food first, so that you won’t get sick from the junk food— THAT Toddler Mom (@that_toddler) June 24, 2020
I'm just gonna lay down and rest my eyes for a second, and other lies I tell my kids.— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 1, 2017
If my son wants to watch one of his annoying shows that I’m not in the mood to tolerate I tell him that the main character is taking a nap. Works for now (he’s 4)!— Anna (@realllyanna) June 24, 2020
Wolves can blown down poorly constructed houses, and other lies I tell my children.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) July 29, 2015
I've decided to tell my kid Santa died instead of "he doesn't exist" bc when you're this deep in a lie, you stick to the story.— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) December 5, 2012
Need to start lying to the children that the weekends are actually school days so they stop waking up so early— Becky Currell (@becnard) November 22, 2014
LOL at parents who don't lie to their kids!— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) December 11, 2013
Sorry son. They stopped making batteries for that toy. Guess we'll just have to throw it away.
1 Parent lie that continues to live on through generations is telling our kids we can't see to drive when the cabin light on in the car.— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 5, 2019
My kids think the Tooth Fairy is allergic to dust and she can't come unless their rooms are super clean.— Mindy Mejia (@MejiaWrites) June 24, 2020
"I'll time you!" - And other white lies I tell my kids— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) January 6, 2019
My 6 year old asked where babies came from.— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) September 18, 2020
I told him the truth.
While I was sitting and basking in my pride at being an Honest Mom, he just stared before saying: “I wasn’t expecting that. That was inappropriate.”
Then: “DID THE DOCTORS WATCH YOU DO IT”
I shoulda lied.
I’m pretty sure “ I’m not gonna say it again” is the biggest lie I tell my children.— Heather #BLM (@dishs_up) September 11, 2018
“When YOU’RE an adult you can do what YOU want.”— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) September 1, 2019
- and other lies I tell my children
Bored so I’ve decided to convince my 12yo that zebras are just stripy horses.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 5, 2020
Of all the lies I've told my children, "Try these beet pancakes, they're delicious!" Is probably the cruelest.— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 4, 2015
I’ve convinced my son the capital of Alabama is Sweet Home and the capital of West Virginia is Mountain Mama. Sure, he’ll fail the quiz, but he’ll be great at karaoke.— David Vienna (@davidvienna) December 10, 2019
3-year-old: Daddy, are you cool?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 16, 2014
It turns out I don’t feel bad about lying to children.