It’s been a long time coming, but the UK version of of RuPaul’s Drag Race is finally here.
We already know the judges, we’ve already met the queens, but one thing that still remains a mystery is the challenges they will be taking part in.
Admittedly, we can’t imagine they will deviate too much from the tried and tested formula set by the original US show – but that isn’t to say they can’t stamp a British identity all over them.
With that in mind, we’ve mapped out how we’d love to see the queens put through their paces...
Week 1: The Night Of 1000 Princess Dianas
We’d kick off the series with a good, old-fashioned design challenge that would immediately separate the wheat from the chaff.
In the vain of The Night Of 1000 Madonnas, this UK take on one of the US series’ most popular challenges would honour one of Britain’s biggest cultural icons – Princess Diana.
With many notable looks to her name, the queens would be tasked with replicating one of them each from scratch before debuting it on the runway.
Week 2: The Soap Opera Face-Off
No series of Drag Race is complete without putting the queens’ acting skills to the test, and with soaps awash with legendary matriarchs, it is only right that this challenge would celebrate such a camp part of British culture.
In our minds, two rival teams would go head-to-head, each serving up a brief history of rival soaps EastEnders and Coronation Street, complete with reenactments of everything from “Bubbly’s in the fridge” to “Jelly shouldn’t run, it should wobble!”.
From what we’ve already seen of the queens, Baga Chipz would also make the perfect Kat Slater, while The Vivienne has Bet Lynch written all over her.
Week 3: Snatch Game – UK Edition
The possibilities for UK Snatch Game are literally endless, so there are precisely zero excuses for not finding anyone funny or camp enough to take off.
Just some of those we absolutely NEED to see impersonated include Gemma Collins, Cilla Black, Joanna Lumley, Kim Woodburn, Katie Price, Alison Hammond, Sinitta, Theresa May, Anne Robinson, Naomi Campbell, Janet Street Porter and Nadine Coyle.
And given we already know that the actress who plays Lorraine Kelly is set to serve as a player on Snatch Game, can you imagine the hilarity if she comes face-to-face with the drag version taking the mick out of recent headlines about her tax affairs ? We’re gagged at the mere thought.
Week 4: Brexit: The Rusical
Following the sensational Trump: The Rusical, it’s only right that the queens give their take on the current state of British politics through the medium of song and dance.
In this political eleganza, you could expect to see Tezza May’s uncomfortable dance moves get roasted, a drag Gina Miller in some fabulous outfits and an even more fabulous Lady Hale delivering a musical number to end all musical numbers.
Week 5: The Daytime Challenge
British daytime TV is a hotbed of ridiculous and unexpected moments, so This Morning and Loose Women are ripe for the queens to parody.
This improv challenge would see each team host their own version of the much-loved telly staples, with some queens taking on the role of hosts and panellists, and the others playing ludicrous, hell-raising guests.
And just when you thought Drag Race couldn’t get any camper, we’d twist Jane McDonald into making a cameo appearance to teach them how to master the greatest wave in showbiz.
Week 6: The Girls Aloud Challenge
With actual Cheryl serving as a guest judge during the series, the former Girls Aloud singer would be the inspiration behind this song and dance extravangza.
Each of the five remaining queens would be tasked with rewriting and recording a verse of a classic Girls Aloud single, with each one recounting an iconic moment in the band’s history – we’re thinking the hunt for Nadine’s missing passport, Sarah’s bum note on GMTV and the band’s trek to the highest point in Greece (the inclusion of the line ‘Do the people not have the fookin poop n’ scoop rule here?’ would, of course, be mandatory).
For the second part, the queens would then have to star in an accompanying music video, complete with a showstopping dance routine – although the challenge might be somewhat of a breeze for queen Cheryl Hole, who already performs as part of Girls Aloud drag tribute act, Gals Aloud.
Week 7: BBC Newsreader Drag Makeovers
While they’re often thought of as stiff and starchy, the BBC News crew are actually game for a laugh (as the collection of Children In Need performances on YouTube already proves), so they’d be our first pick to receive the ultimate drag makeover from the queens.
We can just see Huw Edwards sashaying down the runway as Vinegar Strokes’ drag sister, Simon McCoy sissying that walk in a pair of towering heels and Nicholas Whitchell getting right into contouring.
Week 8: The Grand Finale
It doesn’t sound much like the UK series of Drag Race will receive the grand finale treatment the US version does this time around – but if we had our way, there would be a special live event held at the Clapham Grand in front of an invited crowd full of UK drag queens, celebrity guests and Drag Race superfans.
There would, of course, be a cast reunion, but instead of RuPaul, we’d love to see chat show kings and Drag Race UK judges Alan Carr and Graham Norton expertly grill the queens on the highs and lows of the series.
Then the four remaining queens (we’d obviously plot it so there was a week where no-one left), would compete in the Lip Sync For The Crown, with each track by a camp British diva – we’re thinking along the lines of Alexandra Burke’s Broken Heels, Geri Halliwell’s Bag It Up and Sophie Ellis Bextor’s Murder On The Dancefloor, to name but a few.
RuPaul’s Drag Race UK arrives on Thursday at 8pm on BBC Three.