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Parenting is easy as long as you:— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 18, 2019
- can name every species of bug
- pull snacks out of thin air
- crave ill-informed feedback
- always bring the 'right' toy
- despise sleep
Apparently stating that my children are home-made is not what the PTA had in mind for this craft sale— Stephanie Wyeld (@steph_the_twit) September 18, 2019
"I did! I did!"— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 19, 2019
- A toddler who didn't
There are few things more satisfying than when I lock the bathroom door and then hear my kids unsuccessfully twist the knob trying to barge in like, “Not this time, suckas. Not this time.”— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 18, 2019
Was just informed by our youngest that she no longer likes grilled cheese, so there goes 95% of my weekly meal planning.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) September 17, 2019
[in store]— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 20, 2019
4yo: daddy look it's the bitch!
Me: the what!?
4yo: bitch. [Points to the Grinch blowup]
Me: ohhh u mean the GRINch.
4yo: yea the bitch
Me: no dude..it's the GRRR-IN-CH
4yo: the bitch.
School: Day 17— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) September 19, 2019
4: Mommy, I want to watch Peppa Pig!
Me: WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT HER?? I WANT NAMES!!!
Me: Let's go for a walk.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 18, 2019
Me: It's nice outside.
7: Did you break the car?
my 3-year-old: mom, can you draw me a tank?— rachelle mandik 🕳 (@rachelle_mandik) September 17, 2019
me: a tank?! jesus. are you sure?!
me: *starts drawing a sherman* crap, this gun is too small....um, here’s a guy sticking out up top....
her: that’s nice mom but can you put some fish in it?
Doctor: Step on the scale.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 18, 2019
Me, 1st pregnancy: With or without my shoes?
Me, 2nd pregnancy: With or without the jacket?
Me, 3rd pregnancy: With or without the rotisserie chicken?
14 looking at pricey restaurant menu: What’s charcuterie?— Wendy Darling (@WendydarlingT) September 18, 2019
Me: Lunchables for fancy people.
*watching kids playing*— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) September 18, 2019
Parent: Kids really are smarter than all of us aren't they?
Me: Certainly some of us.
When you’re a parent, any “relaxation time” you have is just you doing chores and running errands without your kids.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 18, 2019
Me: Okay there are 7 days in a week and like 78 non-school hours so I’m sure my kids’ activities will be reasonably spread throughout the week.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) September 17, 2019
Their schedules: Yeah so your kids need to be at opposite ends of town with the same drop-off and pickup times on the same days always.
Facebook moms are the new mall kiosk salespeople.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 17, 2019
If two toddlers, both tying their own shoes, begin leaving the house at 7AM, traveling approximately 0.000000001MPH in different directions, at what time should their mother begin drinking?— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) September 20, 2019
Tried to clean my toddlers room while he was playing in it like I hadn’t learned anything in my first 10 years of parenting— NoTasha (@looksliketuttut) September 15, 2019
[A thing I just overheard as the kids were playing with dolls]— JΛCQUΞS (@jnyemb) September 14, 2019
KIDDO: [Speaking to Baby Girl] You keep wanting them to be babies and I just want them to go on adventures for once!