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My 4 year old just asked why she can’t eat tacos every day and honestly, I think I’d have an easier time explaining where babies come from.— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) March 8, 2020
Me: OMG WHAT THE HELL— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 7, 2020
Child: The news said it’s more sanitary to sneeze into an elbow.
Me: THEY MEAN YOUR OWN ELBOW
I told my son how old I was and he whispered ‘you were born in the nineteen hundreds’ and looked at me with such awe and reverence so now I feel old but also strangely god-like— Vision O’Bored ☘️ (@VisionBored1) March 12, 2020
Typical morning:— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 9, 2020
Tell kid to get dressed for the 10th time.
Get in the car.
BOSS: due to the virus we need everybody to work from home— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 11, 2020
ME: please, i have a family
Me: *singing a song to 3*— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) March 12, 2020
3: I think you should play the quiet game
"It's good for him to feel like he has some control," I say to myself after caving to yet another of my 3yo's demands.— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) March 11, 2020
5-year-old: Do I have to fall in love someday?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 7, 2020
5: Good. I have stuff to do.
When I was 4, my mother caught something that had her up all night throwing up. At about 5 AM the next morning, I stood over her as she laid in bed and demanded cereal.— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) March 12, 2020
Yesterday, my mom bought my daughter a suction cup bow and arrow for her birthday.
I guess we’re even now.
I know I’m not supposed to have a favourite child but our 10 year old pointed out that he’s closer to being 25 than me so it’s sure as shit not going to be him— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) March 11, 2020
In an effort to go back to olde tymes I took my kid on a jaunt to buy the game Yahtzee for some old-fashioned fun. It provided minutes of entertainment!— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) March 13, 2020
Back on fortnite.
Remember when theaters used to play that loud THX sound effect demo before the movie started, to show off their speakers and damage your ears?— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 10, 2020
That's what parenting is like.
My 4yo: Proudly wakes me up at the ass-crack of dawn to tell me he properly washed his hands for 20 seconds.— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) March 13, 2020
Also My 4yo: Licks 2 of his toy cars without breaking eye contact with me.
Me: *buys granola bars*— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 10, 2020
Kid: *eats half of one*
Me: *buys half-sized granola bars*
Kid: *eats 57 of them*
Looks like we're getting an extra month with our college son, whether he likes it or not.*— Kara Kinney Cartwright (@dbaKaraKC) March 11, 2020
*He does not like it.
Headlines: Companies are looking at having their employees work from home...— Mummy Dear Go Bragh 🤦🏼♀️ ☘️ (@ThatMummyLife) March 12, 2020
Me, a SAHM: pic.twitter.com/U0s7ORq6Tw
Who needs an alarm system when the slightest vibration sets off about 4 of my kid's toys to play music at volume 10.— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) March 10, 2020
My 3yo took one bite out of every hot dog bun in the house.— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) March 12, 2020
Causing me to exclaim, "This is why we can't have nice things in the house!"
Causing me to realize I now consider HOT DOG BUNS to be "nice things."
Me: Do you ever think about just driving until there’s no where else to drive to?— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) March 11, 2020
Cashier: Ma’am your daughter is licking my leg
Around a third (42%) of parenting is pretending you understand your child’s homework— MumInBits (@MumInBits) March 11, 2020