Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
IDK who needs to hear this but don’t wait until the end of the quarantine to discover you never pulled your kid’s lunch out of her backpack.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 22, 2020
Wife: What are you guys playing?
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) March 24, 2020
Me: Hopscotch.
Wife: But the kids are just hopping up and down while you're drinking scot-
Me:
Wife: Got an extra glass?
8: what day is it? Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday?
— Kerry on Wayward Son (@EmissaryKerry) March 25, 2020
Me: yes
What a crazy world— my 5yo just requested me to please not be loud or crazy because she has a call at 10 with her class.
— #hashtagtacos 🌮 (@VicVijayakumar) March 24, 2020
Her: Twins run in my family
— Son of Dad (@ThugRaccoons) March 25, 2020
Me: I can’t even get mine to go for a walk
Them: I taught my kids French during the quarantine
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) March 25, 2020
Me: I taught my 4 year old TikTok
Reading your kids a book in a funny voice that entertains them AND annoys your spouse is the holy grail of parenting.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 24, 2020
My toddler prefers brushing his teeth in the nude
— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) March 25, 2020
No one prepared me for these moments
If you had asked me what the hardest part of battling a global pandemic would be I would have never guessed, “teaching elementary school math.”
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 23, 2020
My toddler just started cheering and I joined in. I’ve no idea what we’re cheering for but I’m liking this positivity
— Lottie-pop (@lottie_fly_x) March 25, 2020
I told my kids I was older than the Internet then spent the next hour trying to explain how to (google) things with magical books called encyclopedias
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) March 25, 2020
I moved a table into the living room so the kids now have a cute little workspace/desk area to sit at while they whine.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 23, 2020
My children call for “Mommy” an awful lot for people who don’t listen to a goddamn word I say.
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) March 26, 2020
8y.o: “I need help with my math.”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 25, 2020
Me: “I’m working right now, but Daddy can help you.”
8: “I know, but...”
Me: “Go ask him- he’s better at math than I am, anyway.”
8: “I know, but even though it’s numbers, he uses WAY too many words to explain it to me.”
Taught Luna to shake trees and collect sticks to sell. So proud. Need a few more kids and I will truly be the mayor
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 27, 2020
7-year-old: Can we leave the house?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 22, 2020
Me: We could go for a walk.
7: And then what?
Me: Come back to the house.
7: I'll just stay here.
Dear Netflix,
— Not the Nanny (@notthenanny) March 21, 2020
For the remainder of the quarantine, please assume we are always “still watching.”
Sincerely,
All Parents
13 y/o daughter is in “gym” class online. They’re just sitting down talking. One child is in the full school gym uniform down to athletic shoes for the videoconference.
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) March 23, 2020
Me: We’re well stocked with the necessities, let’s not waste food
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 25, 2020
What my kids hear: Yayy let’s eat, every hour, like it’s a cruise buffet
Whoever said, "the days are long but the years are short" did not know about 2020.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) March 22, 2020