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My tween talks a lot of smack for someone whose entire social existence currently depends on MY Wifi.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 12, 2020
See, it’s easy if the watch says 8:15 you just say eight fifteen.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 12, 2020
Ok we are done here I guess you just passed third grade.
-Me helping my kids finish digital learning for the year.
There's 2 kinds of Moms in this world, those who post cute pictures of their kids and those who post cute pictures of themselves their kids are in.— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) August 13, 2020
Tried to watch the birth video my husband shot and as the baby comes out I screamed NOPE! And threw the phone away— amil (@amil) August 10, 2020
If you’re not belting out It Must Have Been Love with your teenage daughter to help get a boy out of her system, then you’re not me.— SeaShell (@DianeP89) August 10, 2020
Who needs expensive lip plumpers when your toddler can hit you in the face with a toy train for free?— Just Heather 🖤 (@weedswildflowrs) August 10, 2020
2.5yo to our neighbor: "I have a lot of itchy nipples."— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) August 11, 2020
Me to neighbor: "Mosquito bites. He means mosquito bites."
Little kids only want to be independent when you’re running late.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 13, 2020
I just yelled, “1, 2, 3 mommy is lava!” and my kids ran away, leaving me to drink my coffee in peace. I’m pretty sure I’ve peaked for the day.— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) August 10, 2020
I miss the days of threatening “GET DRESSED OR I’M TAKING YOU TO SCHOOL IN YOUR PAJAMAS!”— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 12, 2020
Oh, the irony.
Having three kids taught me that I'm capable of so much more than I ever thought. For example, I can ignore all three kids at once.— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) August 11, 2020
“Fuck this you’re gonna learn a trade”— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) August 10, 2020
Sad and confused that I shouted at my children to be quiet, because they kept interrupting my wife, who was shouting at me— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 11, 2020
My 6 year old thinks pepper is spicy, and I mean I don’t wanna point any fingers but I will because his Dad is White and I’m somehow distantly related to Beyoncé so we all know whose genes are to blame here.— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) August 9, 2020
I had to cough but my kids were sleeping so I literally just choked on my own saliva because apparently I choose dying over accidentally waking them up.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) August 11, 2020
6: Will you make me a sandwich?— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) August 13, 2020
Me: I’m on a zoom meeting
6: Pause it
My 4yo thinks it’s fun to bring up special moments completely out of the blue. So all of a sudden I’ll hear, “mommy, remember when you forgot to water the plant and it died?” or “remember when daddy dropped the burgers on the floor?” Feels like we’re living with a tiny heckler.— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) August 10, 2020
I’ve gone from denial, to anger, to bargaining, and finally to accepting that my kids no longer have screen time limits.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 12, 2020
failing as a parent is when your daughter exclaims she can’t wait for her privates to grow so she can pee like her brother— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 11, 2020
My 9yo just yelled “bar fight” and punched his older brother. This is my legacy.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) August 12, 2020
My 2.5 has learned several new phrases like "be quiet", "stop talking", "that's dumb", "don't touch me", and my personal favorite, "shhh, your singing hurts me"— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) August 11, 2020
I came downstairs this morning to hear my 8yo asking his dad how women get pregnant and I suddenly remembered all the cleaning I had to do upstairs— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 10, 2020