Aisles are one-way, random items are out of stock and there are often long lines just to get inside. Fortunately, the funny folks of Twitter have shared their jokes and anecdotes about going to the supermarket these days.
We’ve rounded up 45 tweets that sum up grocery shopping in the age of the coronavirus.
Going to the grocery now feels like "going to town" in little house on the prairie, if I am good maybe papa will let me get an orange!!!— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 22, 2020
None of the 20somethings wandering the grocery store wear masks and I'm like, aren't you the dicks who made dystopian books bestsellers?— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 4, 2020
hello and welcome to the part of the pandemic where, if i think someone at the grocery store doesn't know i'm smiling back at them through my mask, i say, "i'm smiling back at you!" like an absolute psychopath— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 24, 2020
The new walk of shame is accidentally walking the wrong way down the one-way grocery store aisle with an overpriced package of toilet paper in your arms.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 13, 2020
THE GROCERY STORE WAS OUT OF TOILET PAPER ARE WE BACK TO PHASE ONE PLEASE GOD I CAN’T GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN okay wait never mind they just moved it to another aisle— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 28, 2020
I don't know all the science surrounding this disease but what I do know is the time between touching stuff at the grocery store and getting to wash your hands again is the itchiest your face will ever be in your life— maura quint (@behindyourback) April 7, 2020
Almost bumped into someone at the grocery store and we both yelped, ha ha we’re all doing fine— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) March 19, 2020
How do I buy stock in those grocery store social distancing floor stickers?— Sarah Sweeney (@heysarahsweeney) April 17, 2020
putting on heels for the grocery store run just to feel something— carla (@carlawaslike) April 27, 2020
[Before Coronavirus]— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) March 22, 2020
Husband: I'll do the grocery shopping this weekend honey
Me: oh god thank you, you are so sweet
Husband: I'll do the grocery shopping this weekend honey
Me: OH GOD DON'T TAKE MY ONE REASON TO LEAVE THE HOUSE, I BEG YOU.
Never in a million years did I think I would ever be so excited to find a 3 pack of tissues at the grocery store.— Stacey (@skittle624) March 21, 2020
The most difficult part of grocery shopping now is holding your breath for 45 minutes.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 28, 2020
as someone who rarely cooks (i subsist on frozen dumplings), the fact that my grocery list has "flour, eggs, cinnamon" is making me feel like a quaint lil lady w/ a bonnet— Karen Chee (@karencheee) March 26, 2020
hard times by paramore started playing in the grocery store which felt a little on the nose tbh— J. Jennifer Espinoza (@sadqueer4life) March 24, 2020
Watching Guy’s Grocery Games so I can remember what fully stocked shelves look like.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 19, 2020
Found a great new workout, it’s called carting 14 days of groceries down the street and up to my walk-up apartment— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) May 6, 2020
8yo: Can we order pizza?— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 29, 2020
Me: Not tonight, son. Your dad went out hunting for groceries this morning and we’re going to microwave burritos just like the pioneers did.
Grocery store is sold out of flour and limes. I love that we’re all baking and drinking.— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) April 18, 2020
Felt like causing some trouble today so I faked a sneeze at the grocery store.— Northern Lights 🐢🦕🦖 (@PinkCamoTO) July 27, 2020
we’re underestimating the psychological toll of this pandemic. i was checking out at the grocery & an item wouldn’t scan and i said “welp, guess it’s free!” and the cashier & i both genuinely laughed so hard, what is happening to us— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) May 5, 2020
Ran into my hairdresser at the grocery store & looked at her with the kind of longing that was once reserved only for Kevin Arnold & Winnie Cooper— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) April 29, 2020
Went to the grocery store today in plaid flannel pajama bottoms and a mask. A guy was there wearing plaid pajama bottoms & a mask & we both pointed to our pants & nodded and made smile-eyebrows.— Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) April 15, 2020
I used to hate grocery shopping, then they made the aisles one-way and now I really really hate grocery shopping.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 24, 2020
today during my bimonthly trip to the grocery store, the lady behind me in line slammed 5 bars of Lindt chocolate on the belt and was like "These times call for CHOCOLATE!"...absolutely beautiful...the world needs MORE kathys and LESS karens....— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) July 16, 2020
I just returned from a 6-hour long safari to Gelson’s. Along my journey, I spotted exotic wildlife like paper towels, 2-ply toilet paper, and the rarest of all grocery store sightings – The Lysol Disinfectant Wipe.— Gennefer WEAR A MASK Gross (@Gennefer) June 20, 2020
When I go for my weekly grocery run, I put on a mask, gloves and my over-ear headphones. I've started pretending I'm an astronaut on a spacewalk. It helps that with the headphones on, I can hear myself breathe— Diep Tran 🧙🏼♀️ (@diepthought) April 20, 2020
It’s funny. One week of groceries lasts my family one week, but two weeks of groceries lasts my family 3 days.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 20, 2020
The stress of selecting a good soundtrack for your post-apocalyptic grocery run 😅— Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) April 23, 2020
This morning some guy assumed I would move my cart so he could go against the directional arrows in a narrow grocery store aisle.— Just J (@junejuly12) April 17, 2020
He was wrong.
*stands in the middle of grocery store* WHAT, ARE YOU MASK-LESS FREAKS TOO COOL FOR SAFETY?— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 26, 2020
Is anyone else having a hard time planning for things going on in the future? My girlfriend’s like “hey you really need to go to the grocery store tomorrow” and I’m like “tomorrow? we’ll be dead by then!!!”— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) July 7, 2020
Just got kicked out of a supermarket while WEARING a facemask. Evidently u have to wear other clothes too! Sign of the times.— Luwanda (@LuwandaJenkins) June 2, 2020
grocery store was sold out of cool ranch, my despair snack of choice, but subbed nacho cheese party instead; not complaining.— Lisa Ko (@iamlisako) April 9, 2020
i had a dream that i went to a grocery store with two friends, they both found toilet paper, but i was too late. i can't even escape this life in my dreams!!— Krystie Lee Yandoli (@KrystieLYandoli) April 10, 2020
Average weekly grocery bill in Feb:— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 14, 2020
Average weekly grocery bill in May:
Spice up your next trip to the grocery store by changing out your regular mask for a Hannibal Lecter mask when browsing the canned beans.— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) May 14, 2020
If you walk on all fours in the grocery store social distancing is not an issue— Bart (@bartandsoul) April 30, 2020
just ordered groceries for the first time since the quarantine era began and I’m really excited to be starring in a reality show called “You Just Got A Lot Of Food Delivered But At Least One Major Ingredient Is Missing From Every Recipe You Meticulously Planned How Do You Eat?”— folu (@notfolu) April 22, 2020
I don't like the person I become when they rearrange my grocery store.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) July 28, 2020
Me: *Walking into grocery store with kids*. Buddy, you need to put on your mask. Coronavirus rules.— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) July 16, 2020
4: *Proudly puts on his skull and crossbones mask* Mommy, does the Corona Birus mean it’s Halloween all the time now?
Me: You’re not wrong, buddy.
During my weekly grocery shop I always get myself one surprise buy that isn’t on my list, and I just realized that’s what my mom let us do sometimes if we were good and didn’t touch anything we weren’t supposed to— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) April 17, 2020
*holds flashlight under chin*— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 26, 2020
*describes trip to grocery store*