For some, it might be a partner’s penchant for leaving the toilet seat up, talking through your favorite TV show or overpacking for the shortest of trips. For others, it might be hogging all the covers in bed.
Below, we’ve rounded up 30 tweets that capture the hilariously relatable moments that make up married life.
[pulling my wife out of the sewer]— *sigh*clops (no, spookier) (@aotakeo) October 10, 2019
her: this is why you have to put the toilet seat down
Please help. My husband just started running. He runs in jeans. With a belt. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. I am so alone.— Tawny Thee Breed Stock Paint (@TrondyNewman) October 16, 2019
My wife just got mad at me for fast forwarding through a commercial because she wanted to use that time to look at her phone.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 11, 2019
Me: The dog gives me more attention because he loves me the most.— Jawbreaker 🔪💀🎃👻 (@sixfootcandy) October 14, 2019
Husband: No, it's because you’re constantly dropping food on the floor.
Marriage isn’t weird at all…— ᏔᏔ (@W0nderW0manW0w) October 15, 2019
*hoards the last nine Q-tips
One time I tried to part my hair down the middle and my husband said I looked like Dennis Leary. Somehow, we’re still married.— friggin french (@FrigginFrench) July 19, 2019
I convinced my spouse we needed more “security” but mostly I wanted a video doorbell on our backdoor so I could watch live streams of our dogs all day.— The Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) October 16, 2019
My tween asked me how she looked today and I replied great without looking at her and I’ve officially turned into my husband.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 7, 2019
“You already told me” is not the best way to end a conversation with your wife. I know that now.— Haunt Chelle 🌍 🇺🇸 🏳️🌈 (@ravenswng_) October 14, 2019
My wife claims she trusts me, and yet she will always inspect a carton of eggs I pick out.— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) October 15, 2019
*Thunder, lightning and buckets of rain outside the window*— TuSoon Shakur (@TuSoonShakur) June 2, 2018
Spouse: “Hand me my phone so I can check the weather.”
[Driving through Iowa]— Uncle Jeff and the Cauldron of Candy 🍵 (@PickleRudd) October 6, 2019
Husband: look to your right
Me: *sees mile marker 69* ha, nice
Husband: looks like a Grant Wood painting, doesn't it?
Me: oh.. yes, very much
Me packing for a 3 day trip: 3 sets of clothing— Bart (@bartandsoul) October 4, 2019
My wife packing for a 3 day trip: 8 sets of clothing, 4 books, and a puppy
Husband, “I’ve got two tickets to paradise...”— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) October 4, 2019
Me, “Shall I pack my bags? We’ll leave tonight!”
Husband, “We’ve waited so long. Waited so long.”
Me, “We really aren’t doing anything fun at all this weekend are we?”
Husband, “Absolutely not.”
Wife’s traveling so this morning I apologized to her pillow for stealing her blanket— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 16, 2019
Being married is mostly pointing out that the other person is always using their phone during the small window where you’re not using yours.— The Dad (@thedad) August 28, 2019
If I ever want my husband to shave I just clean the bathroom.— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) October 15, 2019
I like to run a space heater in my room until it gets so hot I have to turn a fan on and my husband asks me for a divorce.— realleigh spooky 🎃🕸👻 (@MommaUnfiltered) October 9, 2019
My husband and I might be weird, but at least we're not sit-on-the-same-side-of-the-booth weird.— Barbie (@barbie_miller1) September 13, 2019
Me in the den-— Spooky-Rex 🦖 (@C_Effin_Rex) October 12, 2019
Can you come here?
*wife enters den*
Me- Can you hand me the remote?
Husband: you are my queen and my wife. My queef!— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) October 6, 2019
Me: ugh... really?
Husband: what did I say?
Married life, I'm his queef.
If you've been married for any length of time you know "Are you sure we're going the right way?" are serious fighting words. But here we are.— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) October 11, 2019
Husbands: Because someone has to try the expired tuna salad.— Jawbreaker 🔪💀🎃👻 (@sixfootcandy) October 2, 2019
Marriage is just practicing restraint while your spouse talks through your favorite shows.— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) October 14, 2019
Me: Wait up! I think I’m getting my second wind!— Son of Dad (@ThugRaccoons) October 16, 2019
Wife: Please stop farting
My husband and I are thinking about leaving everything to our dog. What he will do with $20.00 I don't know. But I hope he enjoys it— _JustMarie 👻 (@mooseandriosmom) July 12, 2019
90% of the reason men get married is so we have someone to trim the back of our neck in between haircuts.— LocomotivEric (@ericsshadow) September 15, 2019
My husband pissed me off so when he wasn't looking I poured water on the floor in front of the dishwasher. He's been fixing it for the past 2 hours.— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) October 12, 2019
here in the midwest husbands are prohibited from using the “good” towels— Josh the Alfrighty (@Tryptofantastic) October 2, 2019
I just learned that my wife has “house socks” and “public socks” and I didn’t even know you could do that.— Avogadro’s House of Moles (@schumoo) October 17, 2019