Parenting is tough under any circumstances, but feeding, cleaning, teaching, protecting and entertaining kids while stuck at home in the midst of a pandemic takes it to a whole new level.
Needless to say, a lot of parents are hitting their limits in the age of COVID-19. It’s quite evident in their Twitter habits. The platform is full of relatable dispatches from moms and dads who are clearly losing it amid social distancing.
We’ve rounded up 35 hilarious tweets that capture how run-down parents are right now ... because at least we can all laugh about it.
Wife: What are you guys playing?
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) March 24, 2020
Me: Hopscotch.
Wife: But the kids are just hopping up and down while you're drinking scot-
Me:
Wife: Got an extra glass?
Watched the bacon I was frying swim around in the fat that had rendered and whispered fuck yeah pool party so yes I think I’m doing really well
— Vision Bunny 🐰 (@VisionBored1) April 9, 2020
My favorite memory from 2020 so far was probably waking up in the morning and sending my kids to school. That was pretty neat, idk.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 30, 2020
Filled the kids Easter baskets with candy cigarettes and lawn darts because nothing matters anymore
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) April 12, 2020
9-year-old: Is today Monday?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 7, 2020
Me: What do you think?
9: You don't know either, do you?
Getting a little tired of seeing my family's face every day.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) April 8, 2020
May draw mustaches on everyone just to spice things up.
Turns out you can tweet from the fetal position while crying
— Bart (@bartandsoul) April 8, 2020
My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for ketchup.
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) April 6, 2020
I'm so bored of my phone, I started reading the back of the shampoo bottle for entertainment
— Marlantined (@Marlebean) April 6, 2020
Dear diary
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 8, 2020
It’s been at least 3 minutes since my last snack I am not faring well
Good morning its a certain day inside a particular week during one month or another in the middle of a year that is happening. Have a goodish one.
— Glennon Doyle (@GlennonDoyle) April 10, 2020
On our walk today & we totally surprised this house pic.twitter.com/WGgbx7X1U1
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) April 7, 2020
Me to my kids: you have to eat right and get good sleep if you want to stay healthy.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) April 7, 2020
Also me: *shouting at 5am* WHO THE HELL ATE MY BREAKFAST PRINGLES??
I was tired of my kids asking me to put the same 7 songs on for them 9,000 times a day, so I taught them how to do it themselves.
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) April 13, 2020
I am not a smart woman.
Great news I got a 100 on my son's geometry test.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 9, 2020
I put shoes on this morning just to remember how they felt.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 6, 2020
“I’m a goddamn queen” she whispered to herself as she licked the last of the queso from the bowl
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 8, 2020
Y’all, I don’t think we would have made good pioneers.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 8, 2020
NETFLIX: skip intro?
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 8, 2020
ME: you know what? let it play, i have nothing but time
I got off the couch today like some sort of Olympian.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 8, 2020
Pretty cool we’re all getting to live out our own personal versions of The Shining.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) April 8, 2020
Went out and started my car just so it* could feel something** again.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) April 13, 2020
*I
**the seat warmer
I totally appreciate those learning something new during quarantine.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) April 13, 2020
I’m also learning new things like:
- The # of Gray Hairs I Have
- Alternatives to TP
- Living w Hobbit Feet
- How to Not Murder My Family
- Exact Distance of 6ft
- Places to Hide In My Own Home
- Day Drinking
Wife: did you just say “body of Christ” while eating tater tots?
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) April 12, 2020
Me: ʰᵉ ᶠʳⁱᵉᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ᵒᵘʳ ˢⁱⁿˢ
Keep your stimulus payout and send me three jugs of Xanax instead.
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) April 8, 2020
Here's a little song I wrote about this entire situation it's called "Everything Sucks" and a one and a two
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 11, 2020
Sorry I saw, then stared, then way overthought, then went to my dark place, then didn't respond to your text.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) April 13, 2020
[slips garbage man a $20] put me in the compactor
— Kalvonavirus (@KalvinMacleod) April 9, 2020
Did we already have lunch?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 10, 2020
I just thought: “time to change from my day pajamas to my night pajamas.”
— Jessica Grose (@JessGrose) April 12, 2020
*eats a pound cake like it’s a sandwich
— Bart (@bartandsoul) April 6, 2020
Me: We’ve got this quarantine thing figured out. We’re stretched thin, but we’ll be ok as long as nothing else terrible happens.
— Dad on my Feet (@dad_on_my_feet) April 13, 2020
Toddler: *discovers Calliou*
My kids and I have this fun game we play now where I tell them to go outside and they think I'm going to let them back in before dinner.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) April 13, 2020
Considering just rolling the big outside trash can into the kitchen.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 7, 2020
Did you know?
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 13, 2020
A cowbird will sneak into another bird's nest, lay her egg, and leave it for the other bird to raise.
And I'll be damned if that isn't the best parenting hack I've ever heard.