29/04/2017 7:36 AM AEST | Updated 29/04/2017 7:37 AM AEST

I Couldn't Help But Wonder... Is 'Sex And The City' A Lie?

It's written by a woman who lived the Manhattan dream, but let's be honest, how many writers exaggerate? 

No one talks about sex THAT much.
Darren Star Productions
No one talks about sex THAT much.

Curled up on my couch watching television, I couldn't help but wonder: Should I be living in Manhattan? Should I have three erratically different best friends? Should I be flitting around social functions and have my face on a bus? Should I aspire to be Carrie Bradshaw? No, I should not.

Despite the hype, 'Sex and the City' is not real. It's written by a woman who lived the Manhattan dream, but let's be honest, how many writers exaggerate?

I really do have a group of three erratically different best friends, and we are as cliché as the program; a lawyer, an investment banker, a property manager and a writer.

Do we own apartments in Manhattan? No. Have we dug through the man dirt to find the diamonds? Some have. Do we all have time to have breakfast together every single Saturday? No chance in hell. Is sex our main topic of conversation when we see each other? We may be socially awkward, but we're hardly that socially inappropriate.

The lives of our favourites: Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha aren't real, and this is why:

There is no 'Mr Big'

He's older. He's successful. He's a dreamboat. He drifts in and out of your life as he pleases, ultimately screwing you up mentally. But guess what? The real 'Mr Big' doesn't proclaim love in the end. He gets straight back on his jet and flies to Paris and eventually catches up with his 'Carrie' there. Stop wasting your time.

No one stays out past midnight on a Tuesday

And they don't do it in Manolos. Nor do they wake up fresh the next day and go for a stroll (also in Manolos) to indulge in the latest fro-yo. There doesn't seem to be alarms, working hours, obligations, or even work... for people who stay out past midnight on a Tuesday.

No one wins THAT apartment in a divorce

Now let's get this straight. Charlotte adored her husband (sans creepy mother in law), she got the park-view mansion apartment and the flexibility to not have to work for the rest of her life. But she divorced him because he couldn't get an erection? She then married her divorce lawyer who comfortably moved into the apartment she had inherited, with no qualms? I should really start thinking about my next five marriages...

Easy sex isn't easy

Yes, Samantha is a successful single babe with a delectable taste for fornication. So that's what she does regularly, with extremely attractive and available men. 'Sex and the City' makes loneliness and the strive for a companion obsolete. If you can find a guy who is great in bed and doesn't (heaven forbid) start to like you, you will be okay.

Nobody spends $40,000 on shoes but can't afford their apartment

Okay, Carrie is a big shot. She rolls in to breakfast in Chanel for goodness sake. But she can't afford to scrape together a meagre $40,000 (which seems an insignificant amount in comparison to her wardrobe and taste for cosmopolitans)? I think not.

Taxis aren't that accessible. Even in NYC

The standard tourism campaign for NYC will always feature the infamous yellow cabs, and our four favourite ladies feature as a living, breathing, taxi endorsement. For anyone who has visited NYC, you will know that you can't just stick your arm out and have a taxi scream to the curb. You will also know that driving three blocks will cost you two hours wages. Most people swallow their fabulousness and jump on the subway -- the taxis aren't that reliable.

No one talks about sex THAT much

Here's the thing: Sex is an intimately awkward subject, a private act performed behind closed doors. If you are regularly discussing 'tea bagging' in a café, with no comparison to the tea you are consuming, you: 1) have no social consideration and 2) don't care for any other meaningful issues that could fill in the silence.