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The Things I Do To Let My Boyfriend Know We're Fighting

The word 'fine' gets a whole new passive-aggressive meaning.

My boyfriend and I had a fight recently. A 10-day-long fight. It wasn't about one particular subject (yes, I still think he chews like a cow), it was about four and a half years' worth of issues that we've both been cultivating as an internal and growing resentment balls.

I thought I was being very mature about the whole situation. I thought I was completely in control and was liberated by the thought of independence, adventure and maybe even becoming a cross-country skier one day.

I felt like this until day eight, when my girlfriends commented on my painted nails. It was at this moment that I realised I was that chick. I was following the predictable path that most females do when they fight or separate from their partner.

These are the things we do, and I did, when the epic storm of partnership confusion hits our lives.

Your language changes.

When a relationship is in turmoil, text conversations will be fleeting and 'fine' will become your favourite word.

"Yeah, fine thanks. How are you?"

"Weekend was fun. And you?"

"Is that okay with you?"

"Okay, that's fine."

You will remove all memories.

Whether it's deleting him off Facebook, and hoping that he notices (he won't) or deleting his phone number from your phone (that you know already) there is a cathartic sense of pride in deleting daily reminders from your life.

All rationality goes out of the window.

Picture this, you are putting on a load of washing and you spy his jumper among your clothes. Are you going to be mature and pop it in the machine too?

Hell, no you're not, he can wash his own damn clothes.

Your routine changes.

In happy, routine life, you would split the shopping, cooking and cleaning. In your new life of hatred, you will go above and beyond to cut them out of your routine.

Yes, I ate the same chicken salad for 10 days and didn't have coffee beans because it meant that he might use some of the beans (lord knows he didn't deserve free coffee), but I was totally running my own show.

Your network changes.

My 10-day argument really gave me an opportunity to connect with the world, and everyone in my phone book. Yes, Sarah who I met once at a party when I was 18 was interested to hear from me and, yes, he would have noticed how much fun I was having by my Facebook tags, if only I didn't delete him off it.

Music changes.

At first the music will be sad, and you will cry. And then it will be rock music, and eventually dance and trance music. It's time to party, guys!

You will get hot.

The chicken-salad diet may not have helped my figure. But the fake tan, new hairdo, perfectly manicured nails, microdermabrasion, an entirely new wardrobe and multiple hair removal appointments certainly upped my 'look hot' factor.

You will research your new life.

Whether still fighting, or separated, you suddenly realise there is a big wide world out there, and it's time to research it. What's the harm in looking up real estate roles in the Philippines or applying for beautician school in Kuwait anyway?

Fighting with a partner is a refreshing way to gain a whole new perspective on the world around you. I may have let him back in to the house (for now), but at least I can safely say that I have learned that it is important to shave my legs more often.

A change, no matter how short term, is just as good as a holiday.

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