20/06/2016 11:52 AM AEST | Updated 15/07/2016 12:54 PM AEST

I Have A Bone To Pick With Men Who Send Dick Pics

If you keep this up, nothing good is going to come of it.

"What a lovely penis you have" texted no woman ever.
Getty Images
"What a lovely penis you have" texted no woman ever.

I am always amazed at how differently men and women are wired. While I adore men and am very much attracted to them, sometimes I just want to sit them down, make them a cup of tea and educate them on how to impress a woman.

I recently reconnected with someone from my past and, apart from the odd phone call, most of our correspondence was done online. We corresponded for several months, for hours at a time, and, if I am going to be honest, I really enjoyed the banter.

We talked about everything and nothing and as time went on I started to let down my guard and feel a connection. Eventually the banter turned to flirtation. And then, things changed.

He sent me a dick pic.

What the hell is going on with men today that they feel it totally appropriate to send an unsolicited photo of their penis?

I like to consider myself a pretty cool, new-age woman, but I was left wondering how this had transpired and how on earth I would respond. What should I say? "Thank you"? Or, "what a lovely penis you have"? I liked this person and apart from this one glitch, I thought things were going along well.

So I reasoned with myself that he was no doubt drunk when he sent it. I mean, who hasn't done random, stupid things when they were drunk? He would wake in the morning, be mortified and I would never mention it again. But things didn't play out that way.

The "dick pics" escalated into videos and then there were requests that I reciprocate. That's when I knew that we were indeed on different planets (and I thanked God that there were no iPhones around when I was in my twenties). Apart from giving my girlfriends and I a good chuckle, I really had no use for these photos. I have yet to see a penis that takes my breath away.

What so many men don't realise is that the process of seduction starts before they even know it. I have a friend who is a single Dad and I just swoon any time he mentions baking a cake with his kids or styling his daughter's hair for a party. Sex, while fun, is such a minor part of what a woman wants. Women want the feeling, the buzzing energy that stays with us all day, where we cannot wipe the smile off our faces. Knowing that there is someone in the world that chooses us over anyone else creates an unparalleled euphoria, helping to validate our very existence as a woman.

Needless to say, my short-lived online romance dried up and I just pray to God that I never bump into him in the streets, (I recon I would recognize his penis before his face). It ended with him telling me that I was "schizophrenic" -- he couldn't understand why I was so hot and cold. Perhaps if he kept some of that blood in his head he may have been able to work it out.